Herbert, Frank – Dune 6 – Children of the Mind

And she wanted Miro to help her. That was the sacrifice she asked of him. To help her let go. To help her want to go. To help her hate this life.

“All right,” said Miro. “You want the truth? You’re completely empty, Val, and you always were. You just sit there spouting the exactly kindest thing, but there’s never been any heart in it. Ender felt a need to make you, not because he actually has any of the virtues you supposedly represent, but because he doesn’t have them. That’s why he admires them so much. So when he made you, he didn’t know what to put inside you. An empty script. Even now, you’re just following the script. Perfect altruism my ass. How can it be a sacrifice to give up a life that was never a life?”

She struggled for a moment, and a tear flowed down her cheek. “You told me that you loved me.”

“I was sorry for you. That day in Valentine’s kitchen, all right? But the truth is I was probably just trying to impress Valentine. The other Valentine. Show her what a good guy I am. She actually has some of those virtues — I care a lot about what she thinks of me. So … I fell in love with being the kind of guy who was worthy of Valentine’s respect. That’s as close to loving you as I ever got. And then we found out what our real mission was and suddenly you aren’t dying anymore and here I am, stuck with having said I loved you and now I’ve got to keep going and going to maintain the fiction even as it becomes clearer and clearer that I miss Jane, I miss her so desperately that it hurts, and the only reason I can’t have her back is because you won’t let go –”

“Please,” said Val. “It hurts too much. I didn’t think you — I –”

“Miro,” said Quara, “this is the shittiest thing I’ve ever seen anybody do to anybody else and I’ve seen some doozies.”

“Shut up, Quara,” said Ela.

“Oh, who made you queen of the starship?” retorted Quara.

“This isn’t about you,” said Ela.

“I know, it’s about Miro the complete bastard –”

Firequencher launched himself gently from his seat and in a moment had his strong hand clamped over Quara’s mouth. “This isn’t the time,” he said to her softly. “You understand nothing.”

She got her face free. “I understand enough to know that this is –”

Firequencher turned to the Hive Queen’s worker. “Help us,” he said.

The worker got up and with astonishing speed had Quara out of the main deck of the shuttle. Where the Hive Queen took Quara and how she restrained her were questions that didn’t even interest Miro. Quara was too self-centered to understand the little play that Miro and Val were acting out. But the others understood.

What mattered, though, was that Val not understand. Val had to believe that he meant what he was saying now. It had almost been working before Quara interrupted. But now they had lost the thread.

“Val,” said Miro wearily, “it doesn’t matter what I say. Because you’ll never let go. And you know why? Because you aren’t Val. You’re Ender. And even though Ender can wipe out whole planets in order to save the human race, his own life is sacred. He’ll never give it up. Not one scrap. And that includes you — he’ll never let go of you. Because you’re the last and greatest of his delusions. If he gives you up, he’ll lose his last hope of really being a good man.”

“That’s nonsense,” said Val. “The only way he can be a really good man is to give me up.”

“That’s my point,” said Miro. “He isn’t a really good man. So he can’t give you up. Even to attempt to prove his virtue. Because the tie of the aiъa to the body can’t be faked. He can fool everybody else, but he can’t fool your body. He’s just not good enough to let you go.”

“So it’s Ender that you hate, not me.”

“No, Val, I don’t hate Ender. He’s an imperfect guy, that’s all. Like me, like everybody else. Like the real Valentine, for that matter. Only you have the illusion of perfection — but that’s fine, because you’re not real. You’re just Ender in drag, doing his Valentine bit. You come off the stage and there’s nothing there, it comes off like makeup and a costume. And you really believed I was in love with that?”

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