She resisted the temptation, knowing that if she allowed herself to follow her desires she would drain the ship in an instant.
When the pain first started she had attempted to flee it by allowing her spirit to soar free. But she could not. The cramps cut through her concentration, trapping her within this hurting cage of flesh and bone.
Talaban had come to her cabin twice that day but she had refused to open the door. Even through the wood she could feel the sweet pulsing of his life force. Her flaring hunger terrified her.
She found herself thinking about members of the crew and how some of them were unpleasant or dishonest. As she had come aboard she had felt their thoughts. Base men, cruel to their families. No one would miss them, she thought.
No! Their lives are their own. I have no right!
You have every right. You are a goddess! You are needed. They are not. If their lives are lost so that the Crystal Queen can be destroyed, then they will have served a greater purpose.
The argument was compelling.
Sitting up she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and began to plan how to reach the worst of the men. Another cramp struck her, this time with needles of fire that made her arch her back and cry out.
She was hot now, burning with fever. Throwing back the blanket she moved to the water jug and filled a goblet, draining it swiftly.
The door opened and Questor Ro stepped inside. ‘Go away,’ she said. ‘I have … work to do.’
‘What work, Sofarita?’
‘Go away, I said!’ Her hand shot up. Ro was lifted from his feet and slammed back into the cabin wall. He slid to the floor. Grabbing the door frame he hauled himself upright.
‘I know you are suffering,’ he said. ‘But it will soon be over. Anu has shown Talaban how to speed the Dance of Time. We will cross the ocean in only two days.’
‘I need … to feed!’ Walking past him she pictured the faces of the men she would destroy.
‘Like Almeia needs to feed,’ said Ro. ‘Perhaps we should bring a child to you and bury it for you, alive and screaming.’
Sofarita paused in the doorway. ‘Do not make me angry, Ro.’
‘Even if you drain Almeia and end her evil, it will be as nothing if you become like her,’ he said. ‘You are better than that, Sofarita. Stronger. But if you need a life, take mine. It is yours. I offer it freely.’
She swung towards him. ‘Why? Why would you offer this?’
‘To prevent you from murder.’
She looked at him then and, for a moment, the pain eased.
‘Evil is like a poison,’ he said. ‘That is why we cannot use it. To defeat evil with its own weapons, only replaces one evil with another. I believe the Source has blessed you with power. It must not be stained or sullied.’
‘What can I do? The yearning is tearing at me.’
‘We will be there soon. You need to be strong.’
‘And what happens when – and if – I drain Almeia’s power? What will become of me then?’
‘Anu’s pyramid will be complete. That will feed you.’
She laughed at him, the sound bitter and derisive. ‘Anu’s pyramid will kill me!’ she shouted. ‘It will rip my soul from me.’ As soon as she had spoken the words she blanched. ‘No!’ she whispered. ‘What have I done?’
Ro stood by silently, staring at her stricken face.
‘I have doomed them all,’ she whispered. ‘Almeia was here. She heard me! Oh sweet Heaven!’
‘She knows what?’ asked Ro.
‘Anu’s pyramid is not intended to feed the crystals but to drain them utterly. He is building a weapon against Almeia. This journey was merely a distraction, to keep her energies focused on me.’ Suddenly she cried out, as another spasm of pain tore into her. ‘I cannot… survive … without feeding, Ro!’
Tenderly he took her hand. ‘Sit with me on the floor. Link with me as I move through the Six Rituals. We will find calm. We will win, Sofarita. Let your pain and your need flow into me and we will fight it together.’