Cal tried twice to buy Zifnab-or whatever he calls himself-off, offering him more money than most humans would see in a lifetime to go away and leave us alone. The old man took her by the hand and, with a sad look on his face, told her, “But my dear, soon the day will come when money won’t matter.”
Won’t matter! Money won’t matter! Callie thought he was crazy before but now she’s convinced he’s a raving maniac and should be locked up somewhere. I think she’d do it, too, but she’s afraid how Papa might react. And then there was the day the dragon almost got loose.
You remember how the old man keeps the creature under enchantment? (Orn knows how or why.) We were sitting down to breakfast when suddenly there was a terrible commotion outside, the house shook like it would fall apart, tree limbs cracked and thudded into the moss and a fiery red eye appeared, staring into our dining room window.
“Have another muffin, old man!” came this dreadful, hissing voice. “With lots of honey on it. You need fattening, fool. Like the rest of the plump, juicy meat around you!”
Its teeth flashed, saliva dripped from its forked tongue. The old man went pale as a ghost. What few servants we had left ran screaming out the door.
“Ah, ha!” shouted the dragon. “Fast food!”
The eye disappeared. We ran to the front door and saw the dragon’s head diving down, its jaws ready to close over the cook!
“No, not her!” shouted the old man. “She does the most wonderful things to a chicken! Try the butler. Never did like him,” he said, turning to Father. “Uppity chap.”
“But,” said poor Papa, “you can’t let him eat the staff!”
“Why not?” Cal screamed. “Let him eat all of us! What does it matter to you?”
You should have seen Callie, Brother. It was frightening. She went all stiff and rigid and just stood there on the front porch, her arms crossed over her chest, her face set hard as rock. The dragon seemed to be toying with his victims, driving them like sheep, watching them duck behind trees, lunging at them when they came out in the open.
“What if we let him have the butler,” said the old man nervously, “and maybe a footman or two? Take the edge off, so to speak?”
“I-I’m afraid not,” answered poor Papa, who was shaking like a leaf.
The old man heaved a sigh. “You’re right, I suppose. Mustn’t abuse your hospitality. Seems a pity. Elves are so easily digestible. Slide right down. He always feels hungry right after, though.” The old man began rolling up his sleeves. “Dwarves, now. I never let him eat a dwarf. Not since the last time. Up with him all night. Let’s see. How did that spell go? Let’s see, I need a ball of bat guano and a pinch of sulfur. No, wait. I’ve got my spells muddled.”
The old man strolled out on the lawn, cool as you please, in the midst of the chaos, talking to himself about bat dung! By now, some of the townspeople had arrived, carrying weapons. The dragon was delighted to see them, shouting about “all-you-can-eat buffets.” Callie was standing on the porch, screeching, “Eat us all!” Papa was wringing his hands until he collapsed into a chaise lounge.
I hate to admit this, Pait, but I started to laugh. Why is that? It must be some horrible flaw in me that makes me start giggling during disaster. I wished with all my heart you’d been there to help us, but you weren’t. Papa was useless, Cal wasn’t much better. In desperation, I ran down onto the lawn and caught hold of the old man’s arm just as he raised it in the air.
“Aren’t you supposed to sing?” I asked. “You know, ‘something, something Bonnie Earl’!”
It was all I could understand of the damn song. The old man blinked and his face brightened. Then he whirled around and glared at me, his beard bristling. The dragon, meanwhile, was chasing the townspeople across the lawn.
“What are you trying to do?” the old man demanded angrily. “Take over my job?”