“Why should I believe you?”
“You are free to believe what you wish,” said Selous. “You are also free to go your own way. I warn you now not to follow me: my next trap may not be so pleasant.”
He turned and started walking off.
“Wait!” cried Caligula.
Selous stopped and turned to face the Roman. “What is it?”
“I am tired, and my leg pains me. I shall permit you to carry me until I regain my strength.”
Selous chuckled. “That’s very generous of you, but it’s an honor I think I can do without.”
He turned to leave, and the Roman hurled himself on his back, clawing at his eyes and biting his shoulder.
Selous dropped to the ground, rolled over once, then managed to grab one of Caligula’s hands and twist it
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sharply. The Roman screamed and released his hold, and Selous scrambled to his feet.
“If you touch me again, I’ll kill you!” he snapped.
“You hurt me!” said Caligula. Suddenly he began crying like a baby. “Why would anyone want to hurt me?”
Selous stared at him and said nothing.
“Don’t you know that you are not permitted to touch the person of a god?” wept Caligula. Suddenly the tears vanished, to be replaced by a smile. “Still, I admire your courage, Frederick Courtney Selous. Perhaps I shall let you be my general. We shall cut a bloody path through my enemies.”
“That’s a generous offer,” said Selous sardonically, “but right now I’m the only enemy you’ve got.”
“Nonsense,” said Caligula. “Is not the forest our enemy? Does it not hide the path we seek?” He ripped a small dead branch from a nearby tree. “I shall take this plunder to prove we have conquered it!”
“I think Gibbon understated the problem,” murmured Selous, staring at the Roman as he went around gathering up more tokens of victory.
“Well?” demanded Caligula, his arms filled. “Don’t just stand there! We’ve got a city to find and a world to conquer!”
“I think we’ll find the city much faster if we split up,” said Selous.
“An excellent suggestion,” said Caligula. “But then who would draw my bath for me and bring me my meals?”
“I thought I was a general.”
“You are whatever I want you to be,” said Caligula.
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“Otherwise, what’s the purpose of being a god in the first place?”
“You have a very short memory,” said Selous.
“My memory is perfect.”
“But you have already forgotten what happened the last time you tried to give me an order.”
“That was different,” said Caligula. “That was before I made you my general and we brought the forest to its knees.” He paused. “Tomorrow morning I shall create some women for us to enjoy, and perhaps some birds to sing of our coming, and we shall march off to find the city.”
Selous shook his head. “I’m leaving now.”
“Then I will follow you.”
“I might not wait by my next trap. You could spend all eternity hanging upside down, or impaled on sharp sticks at the bottom of a pit.”
“I allowed you to catch me,” answered Caligula. “I was tired of chasing you, and it seemed the easiest way to meet you.”
“Sure you did,” said Selous.
“Be not clever with me, mortal, or you risk bringing down my godly wrath upon you.”
“It’s a chance I’ll have to take,” said Selous, unimpressed.
“At the very least, I will have the members of my guard run you through.”
“First find them, and then I’ll worry about it.”
“Then I shall do it myself,” said Caligula, picking out the longest, sharpest branch he could find and brandishing it like a sword.
“You take one step closer and I’ll wrap that thing around your neck,” said Selous.
“You are but a mortal,” said Caligula with a maniacal laugh.
“I didn’t give in to the whims of madmen the first time around,” answered Selous. “I don’t propose, to change my ways in this life.”
Caligula stared at him, puzzled. “Why didn’t it all end when I died?”
“The Empire?”
“The world. How could it go on without me?”