Farnham’s Freehold By Robert A. Heinlein

Nor did Ponse complain when, on the next rubber, Barbara and Hugh gave him and Joe a trouncing. Hugh decided that Ponse had the inborn honesty called “sportsmanship”-plus a good head for cards.

One of the little deaf-mutes trotted in, knelt, and served Their Charity a tumbler of something cold, then another to Joe. Ponse took a swig, wiped his mouth and said, “Ah, that hits the spot!”

Joe made a whispered suggestion to him. Ponse looked startled and said, “Oh, certainly. Why not?”

So Hugh and Barbara were served. Hugh was pleased to discover ‘that it was apple juice; he wasn’t sure of his ability to play tight bridge had it been Happiness.

During this rubber Hugh noticed that Barbara was squirming a little and seemed to have trouble in concentrating. When the hand ended he said quietly, “Trouble, hon?”

She glanced at Ponse and whispered, “Some. I was about to feed the boys when I was sent for.”

“Oh.” Hugh turned to his host. “Ponse, Barbara needs to stop.,,

Ponse looked up from shuffling. “Plumbing call? One of the maids can show it, I suppose. They must go somewhere.”

“Not that. Well, maybe that, too. What I meant was, Barbara has twins.”

“Well? Sluts usually have twins, they have two breasts.”

“That’s the point, she’s nursing them and she’s hours past time. She has to leave.”

Ponse looked annoyed, hesitated, then said, “Oh, garbage. Its milk won’t cake from so short a delay. Here, cut the cards.”

Hugh did not touch them. Ponse said, “Didn’t you hear me?” Hugh stood up~ His heart was pounding and he felt a shudder of fear. “Ponse, Barbara hurts. She needs to nurse her twins right now. I can’t force you to let her-but if you think I’ll play cards while you don’t let her, you’re crazy.”

For long moments the big man stared, without expression. Then suddenly he grinned. “Hugh, I like you. You did something like this once before, didn’t you? The slut is your sister, I suppose.”

“Then you are the one who is crazy. Do you know how close you came to being cold meat?”

“I can guess.”

“I doubt it, you don’t look worried. But I like spunk, even in a servant. Very well, I’ll have its brats fetched. They can suck while we play.”

The twins were fetched and Hugh saw at once that they were the handsomest, healthiest, and loveliest babies that had ever been born; he told Barbara so. He did not immediately get a chance to touch them as Ponse took one in each arm, laughed at them, blew in their faces, and jiggled them. “Fine boys!” he roared. “Fine boys, Barba! Holy little terrors, I’ll bet. Go on, swing that fist, kid! Sock Uncle in the nose again. What do you call them, Barba? Do they have names?”

“This one is Hugh-”

“Eh? Does Hugh have something to do with them? Or thinks he has, perhaps?”

“He’s ‘their father.”

“Well, well! Hugh, you may be ugly, but you have other qualities. If Barba knows what she’s talking about. What’s this one’s name?”

“That one is little Joe. Karl Joseph.”

Ponse lifted an eyebrow at Joe. “So you have sluts naming brats for you, Joe? I’ll have to watch you, you’re a sly one. What did you give Barba?”

“Beg pardon?”

“Birthing present, you idiot. Give her that ring you’re wearing. So many brats in this house named after me that I have to order trinkets by the basket load; they know it obliges me to make them a present. Hugh is lucky, he has nothing to give. Hey, Hughie has teeth!”

Hugh got to hold them while they settled down for combined bridge and nursing. Barbara took them one at a time and played cards with her free hand. The little maids fussed over the one not nursing and, in due time, took them away. In spite of the handicap Barbara played well, even brilliantly; the long session ended with Ponse top scorer, Barbara close behind, and Joe and Hugh tied for last. Hugh had cheated very little to make it come out that way; the cards had favored Ponse and Barbara when they were partners; they had made two small slams.

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