Flesh And Blood by Jonathan Kellerman

There was no shortage effaces when I arrived late. The suite was vast, a string of mood-lit, black-carpeted rooms packed with sweaty men. Penthouse level—no doubt a great view—but the drapes were drawn and the air felt heavy. Suit jackets and neckties were heaped on a sofa near the door under a hand-lettered sign that said, GET CASUAL! I made my way through testosterone guffaws, random backslapping, blue cigar fog, the strained glee of boozy toasts.

A crowd swarmed the food. I finally got close enough to redeem a skewer of teriyaki beef and a Grolsch. Belched cheers and scattered applause from the next room drew me to a larger throng. I drifted over, found scores of eyes trained forward on the hundred-inch projection TV the hotel provided for presidents.

Skin flicks flashing larger than life. Bodies squishing and squirming and slapping in time to an asthmatic sax score. The men around me gaped and pretended to be casual. I wandered away, got more food, stood to the side, chewing and wondering what the hell I was doing there, why I just didn’t wipe my mouth and leave.

A pathologist I knew sauntered by with a whiskey in his hand.

“Hey,” he said, eyeing the screen. “Aren’t you the guy who’s supposed to explain why we do this?”

“You’ve obviously mistaken me for an anthropologist.”

He chuckled. “More like paleontologist. I’ll bet cavemen painted dirty pictures. How about we videotape this and show it at Grand Rounds?”

“Better yet,” I said, “at the next gala fund-raiser.”

“Right. Ten-inch cocks and wet pussies—better have oxygen ready for Mrs. Prince and all the other biddies.”

A roar from the wide-screen crowd made both our heads swivel. Then a sharp peal—flatware on glass, shouts for quiet, and the vocal buzz faded out, isolating the thump-thump of the porn soundtrack. Moans continued to thunder in stereo. A woman’s voice urged, “Fuck it—-fuck me,” and nervous laughter rose from the audience. Then a tight, abrasive silence.

A thickset, ruddy man holding a nearly full beer mug—a financial officer named Beckwith—stepped into the space between the two front rooms. His eyeglasses had slid down his meaty nose, and when he righted them beer splashed and foamed on the carpet.

“Go, Jim!” someone shouted.

“Get a neuro workup, Jim!”

“That’s why pencil pushers can’t be surgeons!”

Beckwith staggered a bit and grinned. “Here, here, gentlemen—and I do use the term loosely— Look at what we’ve wrought—is this a goddamn blast or what?”

Cheers, hoots, nudges, bottoms up.

“You’re sure blasted, Jim!”

Beckwith rubbed his eyes and his nose, gave a one-armed salute, splashed more beer. “Since all of us are such serious, no-nonsense citizens—since we’d never dream of abandoning God and spouses and country and moral obligation except for the direst emergency”— raucous laughter—”thank God we’ve got ourselves one hell of an emergency, brethren! Namely the impending sentencing—uh, matrimony of our esteemed—steamed- up—buddy, the eternal, infernal, nocturnal Dr. Phil Harnsberger, wielder of the radioactive cancer-killer beam, better known to all of us as El Terminator, aka He Who Lurks Behind the Lead Door- Come on out, Phil—where are you, boy?”

No sign of the groom.

Beckwith cupped his hands into a megaphone. “Paging Dr. Deathray! Dr. Deathray to center stage, stat. Come on, Phil, show yourself, boy!”

Chants of “Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil. . .”

Then: “Here he is!”

Thunderous ovation as the crowd rippled and Phil Harnsberger, clutching a martini glass, was expelled from its midst and shoved next to Beckwith.

Balding and normally pallid, with a pink-red mustache demeaning his upper lip, the radiotherapist was flushed incandescent. His smile was a paranoid smear, and he seemed on the verge of tipping over. He had on a black T-shirt so grossly oversized that it skirted past the knees of his slacks. A yellow cartoon silk-screened across the front portrayed a hefty, leering bride gripping a leash that tethered a pint-sized groom prostrate before a hanging judge and looming scaffold. A bold legend protested: I Dint Kill No One, Yer Honor, So Why the Life Sentence?

Beckwith slapped Harnsberger on the back. Harnsberger flinched and tried to down some martini. Most of the liquid ended up on his chin, and he wiped himself with his sleeve.

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