‘One should not be too greedy, my friend. I can win that battle – but once I have, the rebellion will be over. Edmund will march his armies back to the north and crush any who stand in his way. But that will matter nothing, for the Morningstar will be long gone.’And leave behind all those who followed you? Yes,’that sounds like you, Jarek Mace. You will not have to see the ropes hanging from every tree, nor the rotting corpses upon them.’His smile faded. ‘I did not ask these people to make me their hero. I owe them nothing. I owe you nothing.’
‘I agree. But what you said in there was wonderful. No more Angostin overlords, no more serfs and slaves. Merely Highlanders, men judged by their actions and not by their blood. That’s worth righting for, Jarek. That’s worth dying for!’Nothing is worth dying for!’ he stormed. ‘And I’ll tell you why: because nothing ever changes. There will always be kings and there will always be serfs. Edmund has conquered the north – but he will die one day, and there will be other civil wars. And yes, the north will be free, because a Highland Edmund will arise. But nothing will change, Owen. Not for the likes of you and me. Not for Wulf or Ilka. The strongest conquer, the weak suffer. It is the world’s way.’It is the coward’s way!’ I stormed. ‘What Man has made, Man can change. Yes, there have always been despots and tyrants, but equally there have been benevolent rulers, strong men who cared for their people. But if men followed your philosophy of despair they would build nothing. What would be the point of fashioning a home from timber and stone? One day the timbers will rot and the roof fall in. Why learn which herbs will conquer which diseases? We are all going to die anyway. Why teach our children to read? They’ll never be able to change anything!’For a moment he seemed taken aback, but it was more as a response to the passion of my argument than a result of the argument itself. ‘By God,’ he said, ‘if you could fight like you can talk, you’d be a formidable opponent.’Go ahead, Jarek Mace, mock if you will. It is something you are good at.’I am good at many things, Owen,’ he replied. ‘Keeping myself alive during a bloody war is but one df my talents. Being a hard man to kill is another. Now I am playing this game of yours to the best of my ability. Do not ask for more, for there is no more to give. I care nothing for Angostins. And I am not even a. Highlander, I am a low-born Ikenas. They want to make me Rabain reborn, so be it! They want to follow me to the gates of Hell, well, let them. All I want is to see Azrek dead and to have some gold to spend. Is that so bad?’You could be King,’ I said softly. ‘Can’t you see that? The people will rise in their thousands.’And Edmund will crush them,’ he said, hammering his fist into the palm of his left hand for emphasis.
The light was beginning to fail and we walked back towards the shelter.
I thought I saw a shadow move at the edge of my vision, but when I swung round there was nothing to see. And night flowed over the clearing, the sky thick with cloud which covered the moon and stars.
I have discovered in my long life that there are many words and phrases which have more power than any spell of magick. The most well-known of these is, of course, I love you. But by far the most deadly is, if only.
For these two words can strip a man’s strength, his courage and his confidence. They become the father of regret and anguish and pain. A man kneels by his dead children in a plague village and thinks, ‘If only we had journeyed south in the summer.’ A farmer gazes at his rain-ruined crop and believes he would have been a rich man if only he had bred horses instead. Lives are ruled by if only.