Grumbles From The Grave — Robert A. Heinlein — (1989)

Instead I had shoe trees in my spare shoes, elastic bands around my spare clothes, and more elastic bands in my pockets, and several two-centimeter steel ball bearings.

Shift two wing nuts, and the long parts of the shoe trees become a steel fork. Add elastic bands and you have a sling shot. And don’t laugh at a slingshot; many a sand rat has kept himself fed with only a sling shot. They are silent and you usually get your ammo back.

I aimed almost three times as high as I would at home, to allow for the local gravity, and got it right on the sternum, knocked it off its perch-crushed the skull with my heel and gave it an extra twist for the nasty bite on Poddy’s arm. The young one started to whine, so I pushed the carcass over in the corner, somewhat out of sight, and put the cub on it. It shut up. I took care of all this before I woke Poddy because I knew she had sentimental fancies about these “fairies” and I didn’t want her jittering and maybe grabbing my elbow. As it was-clean and fast.

She was still snoring, so I slipped off my shoes and made a fast reconnoiter.

Not so good — Our local witch was already up and reaching for her broom; in a few minutes she would be unlocking Jojo if she hadn’t already. I didn’t have a chance to see if the sky car was outside; I did well not to get caught. I hurried back and woke Poddy.

“Pod!” I.whispered. “You awake?”

“Yes.”

“Wide awake? You’ve got to do your act, right now. Make it loud and make it good.”

“Check.”

“Help me up on the perch. Can your sore arm take il?”

She nodded, slid quickly off the bed and took position •t the door, hands ready. I grabbed her hands, bounced to her shoulders, steadied, and she grabbed my calves as I let go her hands-and then I was up on the perch, over ihe door. I waved her on.

Poddy went running out the door, screaming, “Mrs. Grew! MRS. GREW! Help, help! My brother!” She did make it good.

And came running back in almost at once with Mrs. (ircw puffing after her.

I landed on Gruesome’s shoulders, knocking her to the floor and knocking her gun out of her hand. I twisted and snapped her neck before she could catch her breath.

Pod was right on the ball, I have to give her credit. She had that gun before it stopped sliding. Then she held it, looking dazed.

I took it carefully from her. “Grab your purse. We go, right now! Stick close behind me.”

Jojo was loose, I had cut it too fine. He was in the living room, looking, I guess, to see what the noise was about. I shot him.

Then I looked for the air car while keeping the gun ready for the driver. No sign of either one-and I didn’t know whether to groan or cheer. I was all keyed up to shoot him but maybe he would have shot me first. But a car would have been mighty welcome compared with heading into the bush.

I almost changed my plan at that point and maybe I should have. Kept together, I mean, and headed straight north for the ring road.

It was the gun that decided me. Poddy could protect herself with it-and I would just be darn careful what I stepped on or in. I handed it to her and told her to move slowly and carefully until there was more light-but get going!

She was wobbling the gun around. “But, Brother, I’ve never shot anybody!”

“Well, you can if you have to.”

“I guess so.”

“Nothing to it. Just point it at ’em and press the button. Better use both hands. And don’t shoot unless you really need to.”

“All right.”

I smacked her behind. “Now get going. See you later.”

And I got going. I looked behind once, but she was already vanished in the smog. I put a little distance between me and the house, just in case, then concentrated on approximating course west.

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