She was very fond of the sentry-birds, she is very close to them. It was so from the moment we first saw her, we spoke of how ugly they were, and it was she who pointed out to us that they had their own kind of beauty….
. . . her first experience with this kind of loss, she must learn how to keep herself a little separate….
. . . what can you expect, then, of a wild telepath, one who has tried to learn without the discipline of the Towers. …
She thought, resentfully, that if what they taught in the Towers would teach her to be complacent about the deaths of innocent beasts who had no part in men and their wars, she was glad she had not had it!
“Please understand,” Carolin said, looking at the three bird-handlers, “No blame attaches to any one of you, but we have lost two of our three sentry-birds, and the remaining one must be sent out at once, danger or no. Which of you will fly her?”
“I am willing,” said Ruyven, “My sister is new to this work and she is deeply grieved – she has handled these birds since they were young and was very close to them. I do not think she is strong enough to work further now, Sir.”
Carolin glanced at Ranald and said, “I shall need all my leronyn if we are to destroy the clingfire in Rakhal’s hands before he can manage to use it. As for Romilly-” he looked at her, compassionately, but she bristled under his sympathy and said, “None but I shall fly Temperance. I know enough now not to take her into danger.”
“Romilly-” King Carolin dismounted and came toward the girl. He said seriously, “I am sorry, too, about the birds. But can you look at this from my point of view, too? We risk birds, and beasts too, to save the lives of men. I know the birds mean more to you than they can to me, or to any of us, but I must ask you this; would you see me die sooner than the sentry-birds? Would you risk the lives of the birds to save your Swordswomen?”
Romilly’s first emotional reaction was, the birds at least have done Rakhal no harm, why cannot men fight their battles without endangering the innocent? But she knew that was irrational. She« was human; she would sacrifice bird or even horse to save Ranald, or Orain, or Carolin himself, or her brother…. She said at last, “Their lives are yours, your Majesty, to save or spend as you will. But I will not run them heedless into danger for no good reason, either.”
She saw, and wondered, that Carolin looked so sad. He said, “Romilly, child . . .” and broke off; finally, after a long pause, he said, “This is what every commander of men and beasts must face, weighing the lives of some against the lives of all. I would like it better if I need never see any of those who have followed me die-” and sighed. “But I owe my life to those I am sworn to rule … in truth, sometimes I think I do not rule but serve. Go, send your bird,” he added, and after a time Romilly realized, in shock, that only the last four words had been spoken aloud.
I read his thoughts, and he knew I would read them . . . he would not have spoken such things aloud before his armies, but he could not hide his thoughts from anyone with laran…..
It was bad enough that such a king must lead his people to war. She should have known that Carolin would waste no life, needless. And if by sending sentry-birds into danger he thus could spare the lives of some of his followers, he would do so, there must be responsible choice; as when she had chosen to let the banshee go hungry, because for it to feed would have meant death for all of them. She was human; her first loyalty must always be to her fellow men and women. She bowed, rode a little away from Carolin with Temperance on her saddle, and raised a gloved fist to send the bird into the rainy sky again.