coupons.
You can minimize your losses in ways that Intourist does not tell you. You
can combine coupons as you wish-a “lunch” and a “breakfast” to pay for dinner, for
example. The possible combinations in rubles are
3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 20, 21, 23, 24, 26, 27, 29, 30, 32, 33, 35, 36, 38, and all
higher numbers-but the hitch is that too many of them take more than one “tea”
coupon. So figure out the best way to work each combination and write it on the back
of your coupon book; this will help you to decide whether to overpay for food
already horribly overpriced, or to pay the difference in cash. Skill in the coupon
game can save you many, many dollars.
There is nothing fair in the coupon system but it isn’t meant to be; it is
the prime fashion in which the Soviet government squeezes more dollars out of
American tourists than they want or need to spend.
There are other ways to reduce your losses. You can swap coupons for liquor,
candy, canned caviar, cigarettes, and bottled water. Tap water in Moscow and
Leningrad is said to be safe but elsewhere it is wise to buy mineral water-get
enough bottles at a time to come out even in coupons. Their cigarettes are corrosive
but a brand called “Trud” is smokable. Candy is extremely expensive but a welcome
change in a tedious diet (I lost twelve pounds); caviar is cheap and is the best buy
to use up leftover coupons on your last day. Don’t expect to find whiskey nor any
imported liquor, but local “kawnyahk” and “chahmpahnskoyeh” are good. The vodka like
ours is “vawt-kah stelleechnayuh”-the other sorts are very highly spiced. Their
wines are good.
My favorite relief from a hard day with Intourist was a Bloody Mary-“Staw
grahm~vawt-kee, p’jalst, ee tawmahtnee sawk.” This is “nyeh kuhltoornee” as the
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proper way to drink vodka is with beer (peevaw), or with black bread, sweet butter,
and caviar.
In Moscow and Leningrad very few Russian waiters speak English and almost
none elsewhere, but you will usually be handed a huge four-language menu on which
you can pick out what you want in English and point to it in Russian. But only the
few items with prices written in are offered and maybe half of those will be
available-when the waiter says “Nyeh-taw” he means it’s all gone. Allow at least two
hours for dinner; I’ve never heard of any way to speed up the service. But, once you
are served, the waiter may try to rush you out, claiming that the table is reserved
ten minutes hence for a delegation or such. He may simply want to sell food to
someone else-he gets a commission. Ignore him-you’ve waited a long time, paid a high
price in advance, and are entitled to eat in peace.
Pick a table as far from the orchestra as possible. Some orchestras are good
but most are very loud and sound like a fully automated boiler factory.
Tipping is never necessary but waiters, chambermaids, and porters are paid
very little. Tips can be coupons or cash.
The dining room is often locked-for a political delegation from Asia or
Africa, for a traveling theatrical troupe, or anything. Any service may be chopped
off without warning in any Intourist hotel. Complain… but be prepared to fall back
on the buffet (pronounced “boof-yet”). There are usually three or four on the upper
floors of large hotels, open from seven a.m. to eleven at night and serving omelets,
snacks, beer, wine, juice, coffee, tea, cakes, etc. The guides and clerks in
Intourist often do not know about them because they have never been upstairs, so
watch for the sign (BVDET) or wander the corridors saying inquiringly to maids and
floor clerks: “Boof-yet?”
Buffets are cozy, friendly, little places run by cheerful, helpful,
dreadfully overworked women. They won’t know English and the menu will be in
Russian- here a memorandum in English & Russian of your favorite foods is most
useful. But even the buffet doesn’t serve breakfast before seven and Russian
transportation often leaves at such an hour that you must leave the hotel before