alone. In the first place, this person is engaged in the practice of soothsaying, an
occupation proscribed both in common law and statute. He is a common fortune teller,
a vagabond charlatan who preys on the gullibility of the public. He is cleverer than
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the ordinary gypsy palm-reader, astrologer, or table tipper, and to the same extent
more dangerous. He makes false claims of modern scientific methods to give a
spurious dignity to his thaumaturgy. We have here in court leading representatives
of the Academy of Science to give expert witness as to the absurdity of his claims.
“In the second place, even if this person’s claims were true-granting for
the sake of argument such an absurdity” – Mr. Weems permitted himself a thin-lipped
smile – “we contend that his activities are contrary to the public interest in
general, and unlawfully injurious to the interests of my client in particular. We
are prepared to produce numerous exhibits with the legal custodians to prove that
this person did publish, or cause to have published, utterances urging the public to
dispense with the priceless boon of life insurance to the great detriment of their
welfare and to the financial damage of my client.”
Pinero arose in his place. “Your Honor, may I say a few words?”
“What is it?”
“I believe I can simplify the situation if permitted to make a brief
analysis.”
“Your Honor,” cut in Weems, “this is most irregular.”
“Patience, Mr. Weems. Your interests will be protected. It seems to me that
we need more light and less noise in this matter. If Dr. Pinero can shorten the
proceedings by speaking at this time, I am inclined to let him. Proceed, Dr.
Pinero.”
“Thank you, Your Honor. Taking the last of Mr. Weems’ points first, I am
prepared to stipulate that I published the utterances he speaks of”
“One moment, Doctor. You have chosen to act as your own attorney. Are you
sure you are competent to protect your own interests?”
“I am prepared to chance it, Your Honor. Our friends here can easily prove
what I stipulate.”
“Very well. You may proceed.”
“I will stipulate that many persons have cancelled life insurance policies
as a result thereof, but I challenge them to show that anyone so doing has suffered
any loss or damage there from. It is true that the Amalgamated has lost business
through my activities, but that is the natural result of my discovery, which has
made their policies as obsolete as the bow and arrow. If an injunction is granted on
that ground, I shall set up a coal oil lamp factory, then ask for an injunction
against the Edison and General Electric companies to forbid them to manufacture
incandescent bulbs.”
“I will stipulate that I am engaged in the business of making predictions of
death, but I deny that I am practicing magic, black, white, or rainbow colored. If
to make predictions by methods of scientific accuracy is illegal, then the actuaries
of the Amalgamated have been guilty for years in that they predict the exact
percentage that will die each year in any given large group. I predict death retail;
the Amalgamated predicts it wholesale. If their actions are legal, how can mine be
illegal?”
“I admit that it makes a difference whether I can do what I claim, or not;
and I will stipulate that the so-called expert witnesses from the Academy of Science
will testify that I cannot. But they know nothing of my method and cannot give truly
expert testimony on it.”
“Just a moment, Doctor. Mr. Weems, is it true that your expert witnesses are
not conversant with Dr. Pinero’s theory and methods?”
Mr. Weems looked worried. He drummed on the table top, then answered, “Will
the Court grant me a few moments indulgence?”
“Certainly.”
Mr. Weems held a hurried whispered consultation with his cohorts, then faced
the bench. “We have a procedure to suggest, Your Honor. If Dr. Pinero will take the
stand and explain the theory and practice of his alleged method, then these
distinguished scientists will be able to advise the Court as to the validity of his
claims.”
The judge looked inquiringly at Pinero, who responded, “I will not willingly