Heinlein, Robert A – Job A comedy of justice
Heinlein, Robert A – Job A comedy of justice
JOB: A Comedy of Justice
Robert A. Heinlein
Copyright 1984
Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth:
Therefore despise not thou the chastening of
The Almighty.
Job 5:17
Chapter 1
When thou walkest through the fire,
thou shalt not be burned.
Isaiah 43:2
THE FIRE pit was about twenty-five feet long by ten feet wide, and perhaps two feet
deep. The fire had been burning for hours. The bed of coals gave off a blast of heat
almost unbearable even back where I was seated, fifteen feet from the side of the
pit, in the second row of tourists.
I had given up my front-row seat to one of the ladies from the ship, delighted to
accept the shielding offered by her well-fed carcass. I was tempted to move still
farther back… but I did want to see the fire walkers close up. How often does one
get to view a miracle?
‘It’s a hoax,’ the Well-Traveled Man said. ‘You’ll see.’
‘Not really a hoax, Gerald,’ the Authority-on-Everything denied. ‘Just somewhat less
than we were led to expect. It won’t be the whole village – probably none of the
hula dancers and certainly not those children. One or two of the young men, with
calluses on their feet as thick as cowhide, and hopped up on opium or some native
drug, will go down the pit at a dead run. The villagers will cheer and our kanaka
friend there who is translating for us will strongly suggest that we should tip each
of the fire walkers, over and above what we’ve paid for the luau and the dancing and
this show.
‘Not a complete hoax,’ he went on. ‘The shore excursion brochure listed a
“demonstration of fire walking”. That’s what we’ll get. Never mind the talk about a
whole village of fire walkers. Not in the contract. ‘The Authority looked smug.
‘Mass hypnosis,’ the Professional Bore announced.
I was tempted to ask for an explanation of ‘mass hypnosis’- but nobody wanted to
hear from me; I was junior – not necessarily in years but in the cruise ship Konge
Knut. That’s how it is in cruise ships: Anyone who has been in the vessel since port
of departure is senior to, anyone who joins the ship later. The Medes and the
Persians laid down this law and nothing can change it. I had flown down in the Count
Von Zeppelin, at Papeete I would fly home in the Admiral Moffett, so I was forever
junior and should keep quiet while my betters pontificated’.
Cruise ships have the best food and, all too often, the worst conversation in the
world. Despite this I was enjoying the islands; even the Mystic and the Amateur
Astrologer and the Parlor Freudian and the Numerologist did not trouble me, as I did
not listen.
‘They do it through the fourth dimension,’ the Mystic announced. ‘Isn’t that true,
Gwendolyn!’
‘Quite true, dear,’ the Numerologist agreed. ‘Oh, here they come now! It will be an
odd number, you’ll see.’
‘You’re so learned, dear.’
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Heinlein, Robert A – Job A comedy of justice.txt
‘Humph,’ said the Skeptic.
The native who was assisting our ship’s excursion host raised his arms and spread
his palms for silence. ‘Please, will you all listen! Mauruuru roa. Thank you very
much. The high priest and priestess will now pray the Gods to make the fire safe for
the villagers. I ask you to remember that this is a religious ceremony, very
ancient; please behave as you would in your own church. Because -‘
An extremely old kanaka interrupted; he and the translator exchanged words in a
language not known to me Polynesian, I assumed; it had the right liquid flow to it.
The younger kanaka turned back to us.
‘The high priest tells me that some of the children are making their first walk
through fire today, including that baby over there in her mother’s arms. He asks all
of you to keep perfectly silent during the prayers, to insure the safety of the
children. Let me add that I am a Catholic. At this point I always ask our Holy