‘Spit,’ she commanded. He obeyed
She dabbed the handkerchief over the worst parts and then tucked it into his hand
‘Have a good blow,’ she suggested, and then careful y leaned out of range until the
echoes of the blast had died away
‘You can keep the hanky. Please,’ she added, meaning it wholeheartedly. ‘Now tuck
your shirt in.
‘Yes, miss.
‘Now, go downstairs and sweep al the teeth out of the circle. Can you do that?
Banjo nodded
‘What can you do?’ Susan prompted
Banjo concentrated. ‘Sweep al the teeth out of the circle, miss.
‘Good. Off you go.
Susan watched him plod off, and then looked at the white doorway. She was sure
the wizard had only got as far as the sixth lock
The room beyond the door was entirely white, and the mist that swirled at knee level
deadened even the sound of her footsteps
Al there was was a bed. It was a large fourposter, old and dusty
She thought it was unoccupied and then sh
saw the figure, lying among the mounds of pil ows. It looked very much like a frail old
lady in a mob cap
The old woman turned her head and smiled at Susan
‘Hel o, my dear.
Susan couldn’t remember a grandmother. Her father’s mother had died when she
was young and the other side of the family… wel , she’d never had a grandmother. But
this was the sort she’d have wanted
The kind, the nasty realistic side of her mind said, that hardly ever existed
Susan thought she heard a child laugh. And another one. Somewhere almost out of
hearing, children were at play. It was always a pleasant, lul ing sound
Always provided, of course, you couldn’t hear the actual words
‘No,’ said Susan
‘Sorry, dear?’ said the old lady
‘You’re not the Tooth Fairy.’ Oh, no… there was even a damn patchwork quilt..
‘Oh, I am, dear.
‘Oh, Grandma, what big teeth you have… Good grief, you’ve even got a shawl, oh
dear.
‘I don’t understand, lovey—
‘You forgot the rocking chair,’ said Susan. ‘I always thought there’d be a rocking
chair…
There was a pop behind her, and then a dying creakcreak. She didn’t even turn
round
‘If you’ve included a kitten playing with a bal*
of wool it’l go very hard with you,’ she said sternly, and picked up the candlestick by
the bed. It seemed heavy enough
‘I don’t think you’re real,’ she said level y. ‘There’s not a little old woman in a shawl running this place. You’re out of my head. That’s how you defend yourself… You poke
around in people’s heads and find the things that work-
She swung the candlestick. It passed through the figure in the bed
‘See?’ she said. ‘You’re not even real.
‘Oh, I am real, dear,’ said the old woman, as her outline changed. ‘The candlestick
wasn’t.
Susan looked down at the new shape
‘Nope,’ she said. ‘It’s horrible, but it doesn’t frighten me. No, nor does that.’ It
changed again, and again. ‘No, nor does my father. Good grief, you’re scraping the
bottom of the barrel, aren’t you? I like spiders. Snakes don’t worry me. Dogs? No. Rats
are fine, I like rats. Sorry, is anyone frightened of that?
She grabbed at the thing and this time the shape stayed. It looked like a smal ,
wizened monkey, but with big deep eyes under a brow overhanging like a balcony. Its
hair was grey and lank. It struggled weakly in her grasp, and wheezed
‘I don’t frighten easily,’ said Susan, ‘but you’d be amazed at how angry I can
become.
The creature hung limp
‘I… I…’ it muttered
She let it down again
‘You’re a bogeyman, aren’t you?’ she said
It col apsed in a heap when she took her hand away
‘… Not a… The…’ it said
‘What do you mean, the?’ said Susan
‘ The bogeyman,’ said the bogeyman. And she saw how rangy it was, how white and
grey streaked its hair, how the skin was stretched over the bones..
‘The first bogeyman?
‘I… there were… I do remember when the land was different. Ice. Many times of…
ice. And the… what do you cal them?’ The creature wheezed. ‘… The lands, the big
lands… al different…
Susan sat down on the bed
‘You mean continents?
‘… al different.’ The black sunken eyes glinted at her and suddenly the thing reared
up, bony arms waving. ‘I was the dark in the cave! I was the shadow in the trees!
You’ve heard about… the primal scream? That was… at me! I was…’ It folded up and
started coughing. ‘And then… that thing, you know, that thing… al light and bright…
lightning you could carry, hot, little sunshine, and then there was no more dark, just
shadows, and then you made axes, axes in the forest, and then… and then…
Susan sat down on the bed. ‘There’s stil plenty of bogeymen,’ she said
‘Hiding under beds! Lurking in cupboards! But,’ it fought for breath, ‘if you had seen
me..
in the old days… when they came down into the deep caves to draw their hunting
pictures… I could roar in their heads… so that their stomachs dropped out of their
bottoms…
‘Al the old skil s are dying out,’ said Susan gravely
‘… Oh, others came later… They never knew that first fine terror. Al they knew,’ even
whispering, the bogeyman managed to get a sneer in its voice, ‘was dark corners. I
had been the dark! I was the… first! And now I was no better than them… frightening maids, curdling cream… hiding in shadows at the stub of the year… and then one night,
I thought… why?
Susan nodded. Bogeymen weren’t bright. The moment of existential uncertainty
probably took a lot longer in heads where the brain cel s bounced so very slowly from
one side of the skul to the other. But— . . Granddad had thought like that. You hung
around with humans long enough and you stopped being what they imagined you to be
and wanted to become something of your own. Umbrel as and silver hairbrushes..
‘You thought: what was the point of it al ?’ she said
‘… frightening children… lurking… and then I started to watch them. Didn’t real y used
to be children back in the ice times… just big humans, little humans, not children…
and… and there was a different world in their heads… In their heads, that’s where the
old days were now. The old days. When it was al young.
‘You came out from under the bed…
‘I watched over them… kept ’em safe..
Susan tried not to shudder
‘And the teeth?
‘I… oh, you can’t leave teeth around, anyone might get them, do terrible things. I liked
them, I didn’t want anyone to hurt them… ‘ it bubbled. ‘I never wanted to hurt them, I
just used to watch, I kept the teeth al safe… and, and, and sometimes I just sit here
listening to them . . .
It mumbled on. Susan listened in embarrassed amazement, not knowing whether to
take pity on the thing or, and this was a developing option, to tread on it
‘… and the teeth… they remember .
It started to shake
‘The money?’ Susan prompted. ‘I don’t see many rich bogeymen around.
‘ – . . money everywhere… buried in holes… old treasure… back of sofas… it adds
up… investments… money for the tooth, very important, part of the magic, makes it
safe, makes it proper, otherwise it’s thieving… and I label ed ’em al , and kept ’em safe, and… and then I was old, but I found people…’ The Tooth Fairy sniggered, and for a
moment Susan felt sorry for the men in the ancient caves. ‘They don’t ask questions,
do they?’ it bubbled. ‘… You give ’em money and they al do their jobs and they don’t
ask questions…
‘It’s more than their job’s worth,’ said Susan
I… and then they came… stealing…
Susan gave in. Old gods do new jobs
‘You look terrible.
… thank you very much .
‘I mean il .
‘…very old… al those men, too much effor
The bogeyman groaned
‘… you… don’t die here,’ it panted. ‘Just get old, listening to the laughter…
Susan nodded. It was in the air. She couldn’t hear words, just a distant chatter, as if it
was at the other end of a long corridor
‘… and this place… it grew up round me…
‘The trees,’ said Susan. ‘And the sky. Out of their heads…
‘… dying… the little children… you’ve got to… I
The figure faded
Susan sat for a while, listening to the distant chatter
Worlds of belief, she thought. Just like oysters. A little piece of shit gets in and then a
pearl grows up around it
She got up and went downstairs
Banjo had found a broom and mop somewhere. The circle was empty and, with