I WILL FEAR NO EVIL by Robert A. Heinlein

“Uh, my date isn’t until after midnight. Aren’t you going to tell me what happened today?”

“Why, of course, dear. Thought you might be in a hurry. Come take a bath with me?”

“If you want me to. I bathed after dinner.”

“And you have your face on for your date. I bathed this morning but it seems a week ago. Sniff me and tell me how badly I stink.”

“You smell all right. Luscious.”

“Then I’ll let it go with toothbrush and bidet and a swipe at my armpits; I’d rather go to bed.”

“You haven’t had dinner.”

“Not all that hungry. Just happy. Is there milk in my bedroom fridge? Milk and crackers is all I want. Want to join me with a glass for yourself and get crumbs in bed and talk girl talk? Things I can’t mention to dear Jake now that I’m a girl and not mean, old, cantankerous Johann.”

“Joanie, I don’t believe you ever were cantankerous.”

“Oh, yes, I was, hon. I hurt most of the time and was depressed all of the time and wasn’t fit to live with. But Joan Eunice is never depressed; her bowels are too regular. Scrounge us two glasses of milk and a box of crackers while I take a pretend bath. Don’t go downstairs; there will be something over there in the iron rations. Fig newtons, maybe, or vanilla wafers.”

Soon they were sitting, munching, in the big bed while Joan Eunice gave an edited account of the day: “—so we visited in Judge Mac’s chambers and let the car go ahead, as Judge Mac the sweet darling wouldn’t hear of my leaving through the streets. Even though the phony riot was over. Then we switched from copter to car at Safe Harbor and came home.” (Protecting her ‘innocence,’ twin?) (Not bloody likely. Protecting Jake’s reputation.)

“But the best part of the day was when I took off that street robe and let ‘em look at the Acapulco outfit you dressed me in. Made ‘em go ape, dear.”

“‘Ape?’”

“Out-of-date slang. They dropped one wing and ran in circles, like a rooster about to tread a strange hen.”

“It wasn’t the outfit, it was you.”

“Both. Eunice Branca had a heavenly body and I’m doing my best to justify it. With your help. As may be, both those darling men kissed me the nearest thing to rape I’ve encountered.”

“Better than Dr. Garcia?”

“I don’t think Dr. Garcia gave me his all out best. I think he was inhibited by surprise and by the presence of a redheaded nurse I could name. But these two weren’t inhibited and had a couple of drinks in them and each was going his damedest to do better than the other one. Whew! Winnie, I do not exaggerate—if Jake hadn’t been there, I think they would have had me down on the rug for a gang bang in two seconds.”

“Uh . . . would you have struggled?” (Going to be truthful, tart?) (Who taught me to be a tart? Any reason not to tell her, Eunice?) (None. Except that she’s likely to rape you herself.) (Oh, pooh, she’s just killing time till her date.) (Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

“Winnie, if I were a real lady, I would be horrified. But I won’t pretend with my chum. I don’t know much about being female but I seem to have strong instincts. Cross my heart, if either of those sweet men had given me a gentle shove, I would have landed on that rug with my legs open and eyes closed. Gang bang? By then I felt ready to take on a regiment.”

Winifred said thoughtfully, “It happened to me once.”

“A regiment?”

“No. A gang bang.”

“Well, let’s shoe the crumbs out of bed and squeeze down the lights and snuggle and you tell big sister. Were they mean to you?”

“Not really. Oh, dear, I’m blushing already. Turn off everything but one floor light and let me tell it against your neck.”

“That better?”

“Yes.”

“Now tell Mama.”

“Uh, it was the night I graduated from training. I wasn’t a virgin—I’m not sure there was a virgin in my class. But this was something else. Some interns gave a party for some of us. That was fine and I expected one of them to get me alone. Interns are the horniest people and a girl didn’t accept a date with one unless she meant business. But the party was loads of champagne and no food. Joan, I had never had champagne before.”

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