I WILL FEAR NO EVIL by Robert A. Heinlein

(Joe asked if I wanted him to be away all night. What be said was: ‘Roz. Punch or phone?’ Not that Joe ever punched me to wake me, but I answered, ‘Judy,’ meaning that it was up to him but I hoped he would punch me, and added, ‘Blackbirds,’ and gave him a phone kiss and signed off. All set, no sweat—knew what I would find at home.)

(‘Blackbirds?’)

(‘Four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie’—set midnight on the clock even if you stay out all night, Joe darling. ‘Oh, it could have been ‘pumpkin’ or ‘Christmas Eve’ or ‘Reach’ or ‘solid gold.’ But what I used was ‘Blackbirds.’)

(Did you kids ever talk English?)

(Of course we did, Boss. Joe speaks good English when he needs to. But short-talk settled it in a dozen words. Without giving Jake any hint that I was late-dating him. If I had had Betsy at hand, I would have used hush and spoken standard English. But we weren’t actually working late, not that late. I was using the phone you used yesterday, with Jake only feet away from me. Had to be short-talked.)

(Let me get this straight. Joe set the dummy clock, saying he would not be home until midnight. Did he come home then?)

(About ten minutes after midnight. Joe wouldn’t embarrass a guest by being too prompt. Joe is a natural gentleman, never had to learn; he just is. It was the first thing that attracted me to him, and the quality that caused me to ask him to marry me. An illit, certainly—but I’ll take an illit gentleman over an Ivy-League squeak any year.)

(I agree, beloved. The more I hear about Mr. José Branca the better I like him. And respect him. And regret his tragic loss—meaning you, beloved little strumpet. I was just trying to get the schedule straight for what must have been a busy night. Okay, Joe got home shortly after midnight. But early that evening you phoned him and set things up for this date with Anton and Fred. Then you got back into bed with Jake—)

(Oh, dear! Boss, I’ve shocked you again.)

(No, my darling. Surprised, not shocked. I find your memoirs fascinating.)

(Shocked. That schedule sounds like a whore on payday. But it wasn’t that at all, Boss. It was love—love and respect for Jake, love and affection for Anton and Fred, love and devotion and understanding and mutual trust and respect with Joe. If my husband didn’t disapprove, what right have you—or anybody!—to look down your nose at me?)

(Darling, darling! I was not shocked, I have never been shocked by you. Damn it, it’s that Generation Gap. You can’t believe that I packed far more offbeat behavior into my long years of lechery than you possibly could have crowded into the fourteen years you claim. You’ve been a busy body, that’s clear—but I had more than five times as many years at it and quite as much enthusiasm. Probably not as frequent opportunities, but beautiful girls get asked oftener than do homely boys. But it was never for lack of trying on my part, nor do I have any complaints, as I received more cooperation than I had any reason to expect.)

(I think you were shocked.)

(No, little innocent. Sheer admiration—plus surprise at your endurance. You must have been half dead the next day.)

(On the contrary I felt grand. Glowing. Happy. You remarked on it. You may even recall it. . . it was the day Joe painted me with tiger stripes and a cat’s face makeup.)

(Be darned if I don’t! You were bouncy as a kitten—and I said you looked like the cat who ate the canary. Darling girl, I was hurting that day; you cheered me up.)

(I’m glad.)

(How much sleep did you get?)

(Oh, plenty. Six hours. Five at least. Plus a nap stretched out on my tummy while Joe did most of the stripes. Joan, a well-loved woman doesn’t need as much sleep as a lonely one—you’ll find out. As for it being too much for me—Boss, who told me just last week that nothing encourages sex the way sex does? You, that’s who.)

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