I WILL FEAR NO EVIL by Robert A. Heinlein

“Johann, they darn near made it. I had to resort to everything short of treason to get it into Judge McCampbell’s court. Even then, only the fact that I have held your general power of attorney for an unbroken fifteen years kept the Court from naming Mrs. Seward as guardian and conservator. That and one other thing.”

“What other thing?”

“Their stupidity. If they had shot for guardianship right off, they might have made it. Instead their first move was to try to have you declared legally dead.”

“Well! Jake, do you suppose—later—that I can cut them out of my will entirely?”

“You can do better than that; you can outlive them. Now.”

“Mmm, yes, I suppose I can. I will! It’ll be a pleasure.”

“That move wasn’t serious, just stupid. Stupid lawyer. Took four days for the expert witnesses to unwind, took the Court four minutes to rule in accordance with ‘Estate of Parsons v. Rhode Island.’ Hoped I had seen the last of them then; that diploma-mill shyster seemed pretty cowed. Then Parkinson got into it. . . and his lawyer is not stupid.”

“Parkinson’? Our boy Parky, our idiot ex-director?”

“The same.”

“Hmm. Von Ritter was right; it doesn’t pay to humiliate a man. But how could Parky show an interest?”

“He didn’t. That Parkinson put them up to it is simply a conclusion but a firm one—Parkinson’s mother-in-law’s lawyer and Parkinson himself present every day in court, a happy spectator. Johann, I didn’t dare ask that the matter be continued during your recovery; our own expert witnesses were unwilling to testify that you would ever be yourself again, able to manage your own affairs. So we stipulated your temporary lack of competence—surprised ‘em, caught ‘em unprepared—and I had our attorney move that I be appointed your guardian pro tem. Made it. But Johann, as soon as this was in the wind I started shuffling stock around. For several weeks Teal held a big chunk of your voting stock—Teal is okay; you made a good choice—Teal held all of your stock that I now hold, using money I lent him. An open transaction that could be verified, none of this ‘ten dollars and other valuable considerations’ dodge. During that period, your stock that I had sold to Teal using my money, plus Teal’s stock that he already had, plus what I have long held, was voting control. . . because I knew that if I lost, the next day Parkinson would show up with proxies for your stock—signed by your granddaughters—and demand a stockholders’ meeting and kick me out of the chair and fire Teal as president. Yet I didn’t dare buy stock from you myself—or I would go into court as an interested party and the other side might sniff it. It was touch-and-go for a while, Johann.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re out of the woods. Parky.”

“We aren’t. Other actions coming up, none of which you need worry about today.”

“Jake, I’m not going to worry about anything. I’m going to think about birds and bees and fleecy clouds and enjoy the wonderful taste of Cream o’ Wheat. And prunes, strained prunes fixed baby-style. I’m just glad to know that my oldest friend didn’t knife me while I was unconscious and sorry as hell I thought so even for a moment. Oh, I still think you’re a timid, gutless, stinking sissy not to help me out on this mirror nonsense but we’ll argue that another day. I can wait if I have to; I see why you don’t want to buck a psychiatrist if I have to go into court when I’m up and convince Judge McCampbell that I can still hit the floor with my hat.”

“I’m glad to hear it. And I’m glad to see that you are getting well, Johann. I’m certain you are since you are again, or still, the same stinking bad-tempered, unreasonable old scoundrel you always were.”

Johann chuckled. “Thanks, Jake—and I see that you are in good health, too. May we never see the day we talk sweet to each other. What else is now? Oh, yes! Where is hell is my secretary? Eunice, I mean. There is not a one of this gang of kidnappers around me who ever knew her…and they show no interest in trying to find her. Oh, Garcil xnew her by sight—but he says that he doesn’t know where she is and claims he’s too busy to run errands. Told me to ask you.”

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