“Pay no attention to that gong and we’ll lunch in the Ritz,” the Baron said. “Do you agree?”
He had not slept with the princess on the ship although by the time they had reached Haifa they had done so many other things that they had both reached a sort of ecstasy of desperation that was so intense that they should have been required by law to sleep with each other until they could not stand it another time simply for the relief of their nerves, if for no other reason. Instead, from Haifa they made a motor trip to Damascus. On the way up, Thomas Hudson sat in the front seat with the chauffeur and the two of them sat in back. Thomas Hudson saw a small part of the Holy Land and a small part of the T. E. Lawrence country and many cold hills and much desert on the way up, and on the way back they sat in the back and the Prince sat in front with the chauffeur. Thomas Hudson saw the back of the Prince’s head and the back of the chauffeur’s head on the return trip and he remembered now that the road from Damascus to Haifa, where the ship was anchored in the harbor, runs down a river. There is a steep gorge in the river but it is very small as it would be on a small-scale relief map and in the gorge there is an island. He remembered the island better than anything on the trip.
The trip to Damascus did not help much and when they had left Haifa and the ship was headed out across the Mediterranean and they were up on the boat deck, that was cold now with a northeast wind, that was making a sea that the ship was beginning to buck slowly, she said to him, “We have to do something.”
“Do you like understatement?”
“No. I want to go to bed and stay in it for a week.”
“A week doesn’t sound very long.”
“A month then. But we have to do it right away and right away we can’t.”
“We can go down to the Baron’s cabin.”
“No. I do not want to do it until we can do it really without worrying.”
“How do you feel now?”
“As though I were going crazy and were already quite a way there …”
“In Paris we can make love in a bed.”
“But how do I get away? I have no experience of how to get away.”
“You go shopping.”
“But I have to go shopping with someone.”
“You can go shopping with someone. Have you no one you can trust?”
“Oh yes. But I so much did not want to ever have to do that.”
“Don’t do it then.”
“No. I must. I know I must. But that does not make it better.”
“Were you never unfaithful to him before?”
“No. And I thought I never would be. But now it is all that I want to do. But it hurts me that anyone should know.”
“We’ll figure out something.”
“Please put your arm around me and hold me very close against you,” she said. “Please let us not talk, nor think, nor worry. Please just hold your arm tight and love me very much because I ache now everywhere.”
After a while he said to her, “Look, whenever you do this it is going to be as bad for you as now. You don’t want to be unfaithful and you don’t want anyone to know. But it will be like that whenever it happens.”
“I want to do it. But I don’t want to hurt him. I have to do it. It’s not in my hands any more.”
“Then do it. Now.”
“But it’s terribly dangerous now.”
“Do you think there is anyone on this ship that sees us and hears us and knows us that thinks we have not slept together? Do you think the things we have done are any different from that?”
“Oh, of course they are different. There is all the difference. We couldn’t have a baby from what we have done.”
“You’re wonderful,” he had said. “You really are.”