At first she thought the sound Ronan made was one of distress, perhaps some form of weeping, but it came to her that he was laughing. He puffed out a series of almost silent breaths drawn deep from his lungs, his eyes narrowed in unmistakable amusement.
“My loyalties,” he said when he could speak again. “I will show you my loyalties, Aho’Va D’Accorso.” He unfastened his sleeve at the wrist, peeled back the cloth to reveal the underside of his arm and rotated it slowly, displaying the bitter landscape of pale scars. Cynara opened her mind just enough to read the outer skin of his thoughts.
Loneliness, and now shame so deep that it amounted to self-loathing beyond what she had felt when Tyr died and she survived with his knowledge inside her. Ronan despised himself for these scars, for his weakness, for everything he was. All the waters of Mother Sea couldn’t wash away such shame.
Cynara shrank behind her shields, and through the blur of her vision she saw Ronan roll down his sleeve and fasten it with calm indifference.
“Why?” She heard herself ask the question even as she knew it was a mistake. “Why did they hurt you?”
“They are shaauri.”
Barbarians. Demons. “Was it Kinsmen who brought you to them?”
The muscles in his temples twitched. “I do not remember.” He shifted, turning his body toward her. It was only a matter of centimeters, and yet she felt him draw closer as if the bunk had contracted beneath them. She dared to touch his hand.
He slumped against the bulkhead, eyes open and unseeing.
“Ronan?”
He didn’t react. She raised him by the shoulders, cradled his head in her hand, and shook him.
“Ronan!”
No response. Clenching her teeth, she cuffed him lightly in the face.
He blinked. For a moment he seemed confused, unable to focus. He braced his hands on the bunk and shook his head.
Cynara kept a firm grip on his arms. “Do you know what just happened?”
“Aho’Va?” He pressed his palm to the center of his head. “Did you speak?”
“You’ve had another blackout. I’m taking you back to the infirmary.”
He resisted her pull. “I am well.”
“Do you remember what we were discussing?”
His hesitation was answer enough. “Scylla’s teeth—”
“I have suffered no harm.” As if to prove his contention, he sat up very straight and rested his hands on his thighs, palms up, in an attitude of complete serenity. “May I also ask a question?”
She laughed, spilling out her relief. “Forgive me. I am not laughing at you, my friend. Only at myself.”
“Yes.” He tilted his head again in that disturbingly charming gesture. “That is the second time you have called me ‘my friend.'”
It occurred to her that he might regard such an address as being of greater significance than she intended. Papa had always accused her of being far too informal with inferiors and strangers, and the habit had only grown stronger with the vast changes in her life.
Her crew knew how to regard such little pleasantries. The word “friend” might have an entirely different definition in Voishaaur. It might indicate a lifelong bond, or the relationship between lovers.
All the awareness Cynara had felt in the infirmary returned like a well-placed blow to the solar plexus. She sat in a tiny cabin less than thirty centimeters from a man she found sexually attractive and intellectually fascinating. She thought about the generous bunk in her quarters, lights dimmed and Ronan VelKalevi naked in her arms.
Then her fingers would touch the scars.
She jerked herself back to reality. “Among humans, friendship is regarded as a way of expressing liking and trust. I want to be your friend, Ronan.”
He gave her that hooded, catlike stare that reminded her so much of Archie. “I think I know what humans call ‘friendship.’ It is as important as kinship, is it not?”
“Sometimes. Kinship can be very important, but much depends upon culture, and friendship extends between members of different families, even different clans and worlds.”
“It is like… be’laik’i on—” He hesitated, consulting some mental translator. ” ‘Walkabout.’ When shaauri at first adulthood leave House and Line and wander at will until they reach Selection. There are no limits then. Companionship among be’laik’i occurs freely until the return of the selected ones to their Houses, but it is rare that such relationships endure across Paths. With mating it is much the same.”