things the way they want them? I’ll tell you why it is. A good deal has
been said here to-night about what is to be accomplished by organization.
That’s just the thing. It’s because the fiftieth fellow and his pals are
organized and the other forty-nine are not that the dirty one rubs it
into the clean fellows every time.
You may say organize, organize, organize; but there may be so much
organization that it will interfere with the work to be done. The Bishop
here had an experience of that sort, and told all about it down-town the
other night. He was painting a barn–it was his own barn–and yet he was
informed that his work must stop; he was a non-union painter, and
couldn’t continue at that sort of job.
Now, all these conditions of which you complain should be remedied, and I
am here to tell you just how to do it. I’ve been a statesman without
salary for many years, and I have accomplished great and widespread good.
I don’t know that it has benefited anybody very much, even if it was
good; but I do know that it hasn’t harmed me very much, and is hasn’t
made me any richer.
We hold the balance of power. Put up your best men for office, and we
shall support the better one. With the election of the best man for
Mayor would follow the selection of the best man for Police Commissioner
and Chief of Police.
My first lesson in the craft of statesmanship was taken at an early age.
Fifty-one years ago I was fourteen years old, and we had a society in the
town I lived in, patterned after the Freemasons, or the Ancient Order of
United Farmers, or some such thing–just what it was patterned after
doesn’t matter. It had an inside guard and an outside guard, and a past-
grand warden, and a lot of such things, so as to give dignity to the
organization and offices to the members.
Generally speaking it was a pretty good sort of organization, and some of
the very best boys in the village, including–but I mustn’t get personal
on an occasion like this–and the society would have got along pretty
well had it not been for the fact that there were a certain number of the
members who could be bought. They got to be an infernal nuisance. Every
time we had an election the candidates had to go around and see the
purchasable members. The price per vote was paid in doughnuts, and it
depended somewhat on the appetites of the individuals as to the price
of the votes.
This thing ran along until some of us, the really very best boys in the
organization, decided that these corrupt practices must stop, and for the
purpose of stopping them we organized a third party. We had a name, but
we were never known by that name. Those who didn’t like us called us the
Anti-Doughnut party, but we didn’t mind that.
We said: “Call us what you please; the name doesn’t matter. We are
organized for a principle.” By-and-by the election came around, and
we made a big mistake. We were triumphantly beaten. That taught us a
lesson. Then and there we decided never again to nominate anybody for
anything. We decided simply to force the other two parties in the
society to nominate their very best men,. Although we were organized for
a principle, we didn’t care much about that. Principles aren’t of much
account anyway, except at election-time. After that you hang them up to
let them season.
The next time we had an election we told both the other parties that we’d
beat any candidates put up by any one of them of whom we didn’t approve.
In that election we did business. We got the man we wanted. I suppose
they called us the Anti-Doughnut party because they couldn’t buy us with
their doughnuts. They didn’t have enough of them. Most reformers arrive
at their price sooner or later, and I suppose we would have had our
price; but our opponents weren’t offering anything but doughnuts, and
those we spurned.
Now it seems to me that an Anti-Doughnut party is just what is wanted in