There was a knock on the door and I wriggled to my feet. An impossibly elegant young black scythed into the room with several polythene body-bags in his arms.
‘On the bed, sir?’ he asked.
‘Yeah. No,’ I said. ‘I don’t want them. I’ve changed my mind. Take them back.’
He looked at me quizzically, and raised his lordly chin. ‘The terms of purchase are on your receipt, sir.’
‘Okay. Sling them over here. I was only kidding.’
I gave him a ten and he left. A ten … For the next hour I took delivery of many additional purchases, the vast majority of which I couldn’t remember purchasing. I just lay on the bed there, drinking. After a while I felt like Lady Diana would no doubt feel on her wedding day, as the presents from the Commonwealth contingent started arriving in their wagon trains. A squat kit of chunky glassware, an orange rug of Iranian provenance and recent manufacture, a Spanish guitar and a pair of maraccas, two oil paintings (the first showing puppies and kittens asnooze, the second a nude, ideally rendered), an elephant’s foot, something that looked like a microphone stand but turned out to be a Canadian sculpture, a Bengali chess set, a first edition of Little Women, and various other cultural treasures from all over the world. When it seemed to be over, I went to the bathroom and was explosively sick. Stress, it’s expensive. There is great personal cost. But out it came, the lunch, the champagne, the money, all the green and folding stuff. When it seemed to be over, I went next door and called Fielding and asked him to give me an incredible amount of money. He sounded as though he’d been expecting my call. He sounded pleased. That evening a large envelope was brought to my room. It contained a platinum US Approach card, a brick of travellers’ cheques, and a cash-facility authorization at a Fifth Avenue bank for a thousand dollars a day, if needed. I was so relieved I went to bed for two days. Actually, there wasn’t much choice. Steady, I thought, steady. Money holds firm but you have no power. It seems that, whatever I do here in this world I’m in, I just get more and more money …
——————
And more stress.
‘Thanks again for the present,’ I said. ‘Just what I always wanted.’ ‘I’m trying to teach you something. Don’t you understand?’
‘Like what?’
‘Many things. Compassion. Self-control. Generosity of spirit. Respect for womankind.’
‘Go take a flying —Jesus,’ I said, ‘I’m beginning to see just how sick you really are.’
He laughed. ‘Don’t you love this?’ he said. ‘Say, that was so dumb that stunt you pulled. You can’t give money away like that, man. You do it, you do it right.’
‘Oh I get it, I’ve twigged at last. Okay, sickbag, how much do you want? What does it cost to keep you off my case?’
‘Wrong. Wrong. I don’t want your money.’
‘Then what do you want?’
‘1 want your life.’
‘Thanks again for the present,’ I said. ‘Much appreciated.’
‘Have you read it yet?’
‘Uh? Well, not exactly.’ I had read nine pages on the transatlantic flight, but there was still some way to go. ‘I’ve been ill. Look, when can we meet?’
‘What do you do all day when you’re ill?’
‘Mostly I just lie there. Being ill.’
‘I’m pretty free,’ she said. ‘Ossie went off to London again.’
‘Great. How about this evening?’
‘Will that give you enough time? To read the book, I mean … Hello?’
‘I’m still here.’
‘Come on, don’t be feeble. I want a book report. I’m going to test you on it… Hello?’
‘I’m still here.’
‘Well then. You just call me when you’ve read that book.’
Wait. Watch … Yes, here she comes again. I have to tell you that a woman is following me around New York. Yes she is. This woman is fortyish, forty-five, square in the ankles, more than six feet tall on her heels, on her high heels. She watches me through a black veil that hangs from a black hat. Her hair is short, gingery and electrical. Her chin is low and stubborn and insane.