He’s the … the guy in the wheelchair. Talks like a robot.
And do you know what a black hole is Detective? Yeah, I think we all have some idea. Jennifer asked me, why was it Hawking who cracked black holes? I mean in the sixties everybody was going at black holes with hammer and tongs. But it was Stephen who gave us some answers. She said, why him? And I gave the physicist’s answer: Because he’s the smartest guy around. Jennifer wanted me to consider an explanation that was more— romantic. She said: Hawking understood black holes because he could stare at them. Black holes mean oblivion. Mean death. And Hawking has been staring at death all his adult life Hawking could see.
Well, I thought: That isn’t it. Just then Denziger looked at his watch with what seemed like irritation or anxiety. I said quickly,
“The revolution you talked about. Of consciousness. Would there be casualties?
I heard the door open. A broad in a black sweatsuit was standing there, making a phone call. When I turned again Denziger was $ looking at me. He said,
“I guess it wouldn’t neccessarily be bloodless. I have to talk to Hawaii now.
“Yeah. Well I’m in no hurry. I’m going to smoke a cigarette out on the steps there. Maybe if you get a moment you’ll walk me to my car.”
And I reached for the tape recorder and keyed the Pause.
With my arms folded to promote warmth and thought, I stood on the steps, looking at the quality of life. Jennifer’s life. Jennifer’s life. The fauna of early spring— birds, squirrels, even rabbits. And the agitated physicists—the little dweebs and nerds and wonks. A white sky giving way to pixels of blue, and containing both sun and moon, which she knew all about. Yes, and Trader, on the other side of the green hill. I could get used to this.
The naked-eye universe. The “seeing.” The eighty-billion-year heartbeat. On the night she died, the sky was so clear, the seeing was so clear—but the naked eye isn’t good enough and needs assistance… In her bedroom on the evening of March fourth Jennifer Rockwell conducted an experiment with time. She took fifty years and squeezed them into a few seconds. In moments of extreme crisis, time slows anyway: Calm chemicals come from the brain to the body, to help it through to the other side. How slowly time would have passed. She must have felt it. Jennifer must have felt it—the eighty-billion-year heartbeat.
Students straggled by. No, I don’t have to take a test tomorrow morning. I’m done with being tested. Aren’t I? Then why do I feel like I feel? Is Jennifer testing me? Is that what she’s doing—setting me a test? The terrible thing inside of me is growing stronger. I swear to Christ, I almost feel pregnant. The terrible thing inside of me is alive and well, and growing stronger.
Blinking with his whole forehead, Bax Denziger staggered out into the light. He waved, approached— we fell into step. Without any prompting he said,
“I dreamt about you last night.”
And I just said, “You did, huh?”
“I dreamt about this. And you know what I said? I said, ‘Arrest me.’ “
“Why would you say that, Bax?”
“Listen. The week before she died, for the first time ever Jennifer fucked up. She fucked up on the job. Big.”
I waited.
He sighed and said, “I had her defending some distances in M101. Princeton were kicking our butt so bad—they were killing us. Let me keep it simple. The plate density scan gives you a bunch of numbers, millions of them, which go into the computer to be compared and calibrated against the algorithms. The—”
Stop, I said. The more you’re telling me, the less I understand. Give me the upshot.
“She changed—she changed the program. I see the reductions on Monday morning and I’m like ‘Yes.’ I’d been praying for data half that strong. I look again and I see it’s all bullshit. The velocities, the metallici-ties—she’d changed all the values. And blown a month’s work. I was up there nude against Princeton. Without a stitch on.”