She didn’t look at him, but he got a glimpse of her haunted eyes. She biinked constantly as if she longed to erase what she had just seen.
Finally she got herself somewhat under control and said in a low, tired voice. “I did go to Ruatha. Only … I went back to Ruatha.”
“Back to Ruatha?” F’lar repeated the words stupidly; the significance momentarily eluded him.
It certainly does, Mnementh agreed and flashed to F’lar’s mind the two scenes he had picked out of Ramoth’s memory. Staggered by the import of the visualization, F’lar found himself slowly sinking to the edge of the bed. “You went between times?”
She nodded slowly. The terror was beginning to leave her eyes.
“Between times,” F’lar murmured. “I wonder …” His mind raced through the possibilities. It might well tip the scales .of survival in the Weyr’s favor. He couldn’t think exactly how to use this extraordinary ability, but there must be an advantage in it for dragonfolk.
The service shaft rumbled. He took the pitcher from the platform and poured two mugs.
Lessa’s hands were shaking so much that she couldn’t get hers to her lips. He steadied it for her, wondering if going between times would regularly cause this kind of shock. If so, it wouldn’t be any advantage at all. If she’d had enough of a scare this day, she might not be so contemptuous of bis orders the next time; which would be to his benefit.
Outside in the weyr, Mnementh snorted his opinion on that. F’lar ignored him.
Lessa was trembling violently now. He put an arm around her, pressing the fur against her slender body. He held the mug to her lips, forcing her to drink. He could feel the tremors ease off. She took long, slow, deep breaths between swallows, equally determined to get herself under control. The moment he felt her stiffen under his arm, he released her. He wondered if Lessa had ever had someone to turn to.
Certainly not after Fax invaded her family Hold. She had been only eleven, a child. Had hate and revenge been the only emotions the growing girl had practiced?
She lowered the mug, cradling it in her hands carefully as if it had assumed some undefinable importance to her.
“Now. Tell me,” he ordered evenly.
She took a long deep breath, and began to speak, her hands tightening around the mug. Her inner turmoil had not lessened; it was merely under control now.
“Ramoth and I were bored with the weyriing exercises,” she admitted candidly.
Grimly F’lar recognized that, while the adventure might have taught her to be more circumspect, it had not scared her into obedience. He doubted that anything would.
“I gave her the picture of Ruatha so we could go between there.” She did not look at him, but her profile was outlined against the dark fur of the rug. “The Ruatha I knew so well 1 accidentally sent myself backward in time to the day Fax invaded.”
Her shock was now comprehensible to him.
“And …” he prompted her, his voice carefully neutral.
“And I saw myself” Her voice broke off. With an effort she continued. “I had visualized for Ramoth the designs of the firepits and the angle of the Hold if one looked down from the pits into the Inner Court. That was where we emerged. It was just dawn” she lifted her chin with a nervous jerk “and there was no Red Star in the sky.” She gave him a quick, defensive look as if she expected him to contest this detail. “And I saw men creeping over the firepits, lowering rope ladders to the top windows of the Hold. I saw the Tower guard watching. Just watching.” She clenched her teeth at such treachery, and her eyes gleamed malevolently.
“And I saw myself run from the Hall into the watchwher’s lair. And do you know why”her voice lowered to a bitter whisper”the watchwher did not alarm the Hold?”
“Why?”
“Because there was a dragon in the sky, and I, Lessa of Ruatha, was on her.” She flung the mug from her as if she wished she could reject the knowledge, too. “Because I was there, the watchwher did not alarm the Hold, thinking the intrusion legitimate, with one of the Blood on a dragon in the sky. So I” her body grew rigid, her hands clasped so tightly that the knuckles were white”I was the cause of my family’s massacre. Not Fax! If I had not acted the captious fool today, I would not have been there with Ramoth and the watchwher would” Her voice had risen to an hysterical pitch of recrimination.