POMPEY Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honour’s
leave. And, I beseech you, look into Master Froth
here, sir; a man of four-score pound a year; whose
father died at Hallowmas: was’t not at Hallowmas,
Master Froth?
FROTH All-hallond eve.
POMPEY Why, very well; I hope here be truths. He, sir,
sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, sir; ’twas in
the Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you have a delight
to sit, have you not?
FROTH I have so; because it is an open room and good for winter.
POMPEY Why, very well, then; I hope here be truths.
ANGELO This will last out a night in Russia,
When nights are longest there: I’ll take my leave.
And leave you to the hearing of the cause;
Hoping you’ll find good cause to whip them all.
ESCALUS I think no less. Good morrow to your lordship.
Exit ANGELO
Now, sir, come on: what was done to Elbow’s wife, once more?
POMPEY Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once.
ELBOW I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.
POMPEY I beseech your honour, ask me.
ESCALUS Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her?
POMPEY I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman’s face.
Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; ’tis for a
good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face?
ESCALUS Ay, sir, very well.
POMPEY Nay; I beseech you, mark it well.
ESCALUS Well, I do so.
POMPEY Doth your honour see any harm in his face?
ESCALUS Why, no.
POMPEY I’ll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst
thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the
worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the
constable’s wife any harm? I would know that of
your honour.
ESCALUS He’s in the right. Constable, what say you to it?
ELBOW First, an it like you, the house is a respected
house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his
mistress is a respected woman.
POMPEY By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respected
person than any of us all.
ELBOW Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! the
time has yet to come that she was ever respected
with man, woman, or child.
POMPEY Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.
ESCALUS Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity? Is
this true?
ELBOW O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked
Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married
to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she
with me, let not your worship think me the poor
duke’s officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or
I’ll have mine action of battery on thee.
ESCALUS If he took you a box o’ the ear, you might have your
action of slander too.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is’t
your worship’s pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?
ESCALUS Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in him
that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him
continue in his courses till thou knowest what they
are.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thou
wicked varlet, now, what’s come upon thee: thou art
to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue.
ESCALUS Where were you born, friend?
FROTH Here in Vienna, sir.
ESCALUS Are you of fourscore pounds a year?
FROTH Yes, an’t please you, sir.
ESCALUS So. What trade are you of, sir?
POMPHEY Tapster; a poor widow’s tapster.
ESCALUS Your mistress’ name?
POMPHEY Mistress Overdone.
ESCALUS Hath she had any more than one husband?
POMPEY Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.
ESCALUS Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth. Master
Froth, I would not have you acquainted with
tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no
more of you.
FROTH I thank your worship. For mine own part, I never
come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn
in.
ESCALUS Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.
Exit FROTH
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What’s your
name, Master tapster?
POMPEY Pompey.
ESCALUS What else?
POMPEY Bum, sir.
ESCALUS Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you;
so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the
Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey,
howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you
not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you.
POMPEY Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.
ESCALUS How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? What
do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade?
POMPEY If the law would allow it, sir.
ESCALUS But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shall
not be allowed in Vienna.
POMPEY Does your worship mean to geld and splay all the
youth of the city?
ESCALUS No, Pompey.
POMPEY Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to’t then.
If your worship will take order for the drabs and
the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
ESCALUS There are pretty orders beginning, I can tell you:
it is but heading and hanging.
POMPEY If you head and hang all that offend that way but
for ten year together, you’ll be glad to give out a
commission for more heads: if this law hold in
Vienna ten year, I’ll rent the fairest house in it
after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this
come to pass, say Pompey told you so.
ESCALUS Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of your
prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find
you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;
no, not for dwelling where you do: if I do, Pompey,
I shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd
Caesar to you; in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall
have you whipt: so, for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
POMPEY I thank your worship for your good counsel:
Aside
but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall
better determine.
Whip me? No, no; let carman whip his jade:
The valiant heart is not whipt out of his trade.
Exit
ESCALUS Come hither to me, Master Elbow; come hither, Master
constable. How long have you been in this place of constable?
ELBOW Seven year and a half, sir.
ESCALUS I thought, by your readiness in the office, you had
continued in it some time. You say, seven years together?
ELBOW And a half, sir.
ESCALUS Alas, it hath been great pains to you. They do you
wrong to put you so oft upon ‘t: are there not men
in your ward sufficient to serve it?
ELBOW Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters: as they
are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them; I
do it for some piece of money, and go through with
all.
ESCALUS Look you bring me in the names of some six or seven,
the most sufficient of your parish.
ELBOW To your worship’s house, sir?
ESCALUS To my house. Fare you well.
Exit ELBOW
What’s o’clock, think you?
Justice Eleven, sir.
ESCALUS I pray you home to dinner with me.
Justice I humbly thank you.
ESCALUS It grieves me for the death of Claudio;
But there’s no remedy.
Justice Lord Angelo is severe.
ESCALUS It is but needful:
Mercy is not itself, that oft looks so;
Pardon is still the nurse of second woe:
But yet,–poor Claudio! There is no remedy.
Come, sir.
Exeunt
Scene 2
Another room in the same.
Enter Provost and a Servant
Servant He’s hearing of a cause; he will come straight
I’ll tell him of you.
Provost Pray you, do.
Exit Servant
I’ll know
His pleasure; may be he will relent. Alas,
He hath but as offended in a dream!
All sects, all ages smack of this vice; and he
To die for’t!
Enter ANGELO
ANGELO Now, what’s the matter. Provost?
Provost Is it your will Claudio shall die tomorrow?
ANGELO Did not I tell thee yea? hadst thou not order?
Why dost thou ask again?
Provost Lest I might be too rash:
Under your good correction, I have seen,
When, after execution, judgment hath
Repented o’er his doom.
ANGELO Go to; let that be mine:
Do you your office, or give up your place,
And you shall well be spared.
Provost I crave your honour’s pardon.
What shall be done, sir, with the groaning Juliet?
She’s very near her hour.
ANGELO Dispose of her
To some more fitter place, and that with speed.
Re-enter Servant
Servant Here is the sister of the man condemn’d
Desires access to you.
ANGELO Hath he a sister?
Provost Ay, my good lord; a very virtuous maid,
And to be shortly of a sisterhood,
If not already.