From our faults, as faults from seeming, free!
ELBOW His neck will come to your waist,–a cord, sir.
POMPEY I spy comfort; I cry bail. Here’s a gentleman and a
friend of mine.
Enter LUCIO
LUCIO How now, noble Pompey! What, at the wheels of
Caesar? art thou led in triumph? What, is there
none of Pygmalion’s images, newly made woman, to be
had now, for putting the hand in the pocket and
extracting it clutch’d? What reply, ha? What
sayest thou to this tune, matter and method? Is’t
not drowned i’ the last rain, ha? What sayest
thou, Trot? Is the world as it was, man? Which is
the way? Is it sad, and few words? or how? The
trick of it?
DUKE VINCENTIO Still thus, and thus; still worse!
LUCIO How doth my dear morsel, thy mistress? Procures she
still, ha?
POMPEY Troth, sir, she hath eaten up all her beef, and she
is herself in the tub.
LUCIO Why, ’tis good; it is the right of it; it must be
so: ever your fresh whore and your powdered bawd:
an unshunned consequence; it must be so. Art going
to prison, Pompey?
POMPEY Yes, faith, sir.
LUCIO Why, ’tis not amiss, Pompey. Farewell: go, say I
sent thee thither. For debt, Pompey? or how?
ELBOW For being a bawd, for being a bawd.
LUCIO Well, then, imprison him: if imprisonment be the
due of a bawd, why, ’tis his right: bawd is he
doubtless, and of antiquity too; bawd-born.
Farewell, good Pompey. Commend me to the prison,
Pompey: you will turn good husband now, Pompey; you
will keep the house.
POMPEY I hope, sir, your good worship will be my bail.
LUCIO No, indeed, will I not, Pompey; it is not the wear.
I will pray, Pompey, to increase your bondage: If
you take it not patiently, why, your mettle is the
more. Adieu, trusty Pompey. ‘Bless you, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO And you.
LUCIO Does Bridget paint still, Pompey, ha?
ELBOW Come your ways, sir; come.
POMPEY You will not bail me, then, sir?
LUCIO Then, Pompey, nor now. What news abroad, friar?
what news?
ELBOW Come your ways, sir; come.
LUCIO Go to kennel, Pompey; go.
Exeunt ELBOW, POMPEY and Officers
What news, friar, of the duke?
DUKE VINCENTIO I know none. Can you tell me of any?
LUCIO Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; other
some, he is in Rome: but where is he, think you?
DUKE VINCENTIO I know not where; but wheresoever, I wish him well.
LUCIO It was a mad fantastical trick of him to steal from
the state, and usurp the beggary he was never born
to. Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence; he
puts transgression to ‘t.
DUKE VINCENTIO He does well in ‘t.
LUCIO A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in
him: something too crabbed that way, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.
LUCIO Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred;
it is well allied: but it is impossible to extirp
it quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put
down. They say this Angelo was not made by man and
woman after this downright way of creation: is it
true, think you?
DUKE VINCENTIO How should he be made, then?
LUCIO Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he
was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is
certain that when he makes water his urine is
congealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a
motion generative; that’s infallible.
DUKE VINCENTIO You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.
LUCIO Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the
rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a
man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?
Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a
hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing
a thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he
knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.
DUKE VINCENTIO I never heard the absent duke much detected for
women; he was not inclined that way.
LUCIO O, sir, you are deceived.
DUKE VINCENTIO ‘Tis not possible.
LUCIO Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty; and
his use was to put a ducat in her clack-dish: the
duke had crotchets in him. He would be drunk too;
that let me inform you.
DUKE VINCENTIO You do him wrong, surely.
LUCIO Sir, I was an inward of his. A shy fellow was the
duke: and I believe I know the cause of his
withdrawing.
DUKE VINCENTIO What, I prithee, might be the cause?
LUCIO No, pardon; ’tis a secret must be locked within the
teeth and the lips: but this I can let you
understand, the greater file of the subject held the
duke to be wise.
DUKE VINCENTIO Wise! why, no question but he was.
LUCIO A very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.
DUKE VINCENTIO Either this is the envy in you, folly, or mistaking:
the very stream of his life and the business he hath
helmed must upon a warranted need give him a better
proclamation. Let him be but testimonied in his own
bringings-forth, and he shall appear to the
envious a scholar, a statesman and a soldier.
Therefore you speak unskilfully: or if your
knowledge be more it is much darkened in your malice.
LUCIO Sir, I know him, and I love him.
DUKE VINCENTIO Love talks with better knowledge, and knowledge with
dearer love.
LUCIO Come, sir, I know what I know.
DUKE VINCENTIO I can hardly believe that, since you know not what
you speak. But, if ever the duke return, as our
prayers are he may, let me desire you to make your
answer before him. If it be honest you have spoke,
you have courage to maintain it: I am bound to call
upon you; and, I pray you, your name?
LUCIO Sir, my name is Lucio; well known to the duke.
DUKE VINCENTIO He shall know you better, sir, if I may live to
report you.
LUCIO I fear you not.
DUKE VINCENTIO O, you hope the duke will return no more; or you
imagine me too unhurtful an opposite. But indeed I
can do you little harm; you’ll forswear this again.
LUCIO I’ll be hanged first: thou art deceived in me,
friar. But no more of this. Canst thou tell if
Claudio die to-morrow or no?
DUKE VINCENTIO Why should he die, sir?
LUCIO Why? For filling a bottle with a tundish. I would
the duke we talk of were returned again: the
ungenitured agent will unpeople the province with
continency; sparrows must not build in his
house-eaves, because they are lecherous. The duke
yet would have dark deeds darkly answered; he would
never bring them to light: would he were returned!
Marry, this Claudio is condemned for untrussing.
Farewell, good friar: I prithee, pray for me. The
duke, I say to thee again, would eat mutton on
Fridays. He’s not past it yet, and I say to thee,
he would mouth with a beggar, though she smelt brown
bread and garlic: say that I said so. Farewell.
Exit
DUKE VINCENTIO No might nor greatness in mortality
Can censure ‘scape; back-wounding calumny
The whitest virtue strikes. What king so strong
Can tie the gall up in the slanderous tongue?
But who comes here?
Enter ESCALUS, Provost, and Officers with MISTRESS OVERDONE
ESCALUS Go; away with her to prison!
MISTRESS OVERDONE Good my lord, be good to me; your honour is accounted
a merciful man; good my lord.
ESCALUS Double and treble admonition, and still forfeit in
the same kind! This would make mercy swear and play
the tyrant.
Provost A bawd of eleven years’ continuance, may it please
your honour.
MISTRESS OVERDONE My lord, this is one Lucio’s information against me.
Mistress Kate Keepdown was with child by him in the
duke’s time; he promised her marriage: his child
is a year and a quarter old, come Philip and Jacob:
I have kept it myself; and see how he goes about to abuse me!
ESCALUS That fellow is a fellow of much licence: let him be
called before us. Away with her to prison! Go to;
no more words.
Exeunt Officers with MISTRESS OVERDONE
Provost, my brother Angelo will not be altered;
Claudio must die to-morrow: let him be furnished
with divines, and have all charitable preparation.
if my brother wrought by my pity, it should not be
so with him.
Provost So please you, this friar hath been with him, and
advised him for the entertainment of death.
ESCALUS Good even, good father.
DUKE VINCENTIO Bliss and goodness on you!
ESCALUS Of whence are you?
DUKE VINCENTIO Not of this country, though my chance is now
To use it for my time: I am a brother
Of gracious order, late come from the See