sufferance.
DON JOHN I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,
born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile
at no man’s jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
for no man’s leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
tend on no man’s business, laugh when I am merry and
claw no man in his humour.
CONRADE Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
till you may do it without controlment. You have of
late stood out against your brother, and he hath
ta’en you newly into his grace; where it is
impossible you should take true root but by the
fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful
that you frame the season for your own harvest.
DON JOHN I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob
love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to
be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied
but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and
seek not to alter me.
CONRADE Can you make no use of your discontent?
DON JOHN I make all use of it, for I use it only.
Who comes here?
Enter BORACHIO
What news, Borachio?
BORACHIO I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your
brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I
can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?
What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
unquietness?
BORACHIO Marry, it is your brother’s right hand.
DON JOHN Who? the most exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO Even he.
DON JOHN A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks
he?
BORACHIO Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
DON JOHN A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?
BORACHIO Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a
musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand
in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the
arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the
prince should woo Hero for himself, and having
obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.
DON JOHN Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to
my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the
glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I
bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?
CONRADE To the death, my lord.
DON JOHN Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the
greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of
my mind! Shall we go prove what’s to be done?
BORACHIO We’ll wait upon your lordship.
Exeunt
Act 2
Scene 1
A hall in LEONATO’S house.
Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others
LEONATO Was not Count John here at supper?
ANTONIO I saw him not.
BEATRICE How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see
him but I am heart-burned an hour after.
HERO He is of a very melancholy disposition.
BEATRICE He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick: the one is too
like an image and says nothing, and the other too
like my lady’s eldest son, evermore tattling.
LEONATO Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signior
Benedick’s face,–
BEATRICE With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money
enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman
in the world, if a’ could get her good-will.
LEONATO By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a
husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
ANTONIO In faith, she’s too curst.
BEATRICE Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God’s
sending that way; for it is said, ‘God sends a curst
cow short horns;’ but to a cow too curst he sends none.
LEONATO So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.
BEATRICE Just, if he send me no husband; for the which
blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and
evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a
beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.
LEONATO You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
BEATRICE What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel
and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a
beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no
beard is less than a man: and he that is more than
a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a
man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take
sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his
apes into hell.
LEONATO Well, then, go you into hell?
BEATRICE No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet
me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and
say ‘Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to
heaven; here’s no place for you maids:’ so deliver
I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the
heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and
there live we as merry as the day is long.
ANTONIO [To HERO] Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled
by your father.
BEATRICE Yes, faith; it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy
and say ‘Father, as it please you.’ But yet for all
that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else
make another curtsy and say ‘Father, as it please
me.’
LEONATO Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
BEATRICE Not till God make men of some other metal than
earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be
overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make
an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
No, uncle, I’ll none: Adam’s sons are my brethren;
and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.
LEONATO Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince
do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.
BEATRICE The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be
not wooed in good time: if the prince be too
important, tell him there is measure in every thing
and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero:
wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig,
a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is hot
and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as
fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a
measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes
repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the
cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.
LEONATO Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.
BEATRICE I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.
LEONATO The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.
All put on their masks
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, DON JOHN, BORACHIO, MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked
DON PEDRO Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
HERO So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing,
I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.
DON PEDRO With me in your company?
HERO I may say so, when I please.
DON PEDRO And when please you to say so?
HERO When I like your favour; for God defend the lute
should be like the case!
DON PEDRO My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.
HERO Why, then, your visor should be thatched.
DON PEDRO Speak low, if you speak love.
Drawing her aside
BALTHASAR Well, I would you did like me.
MARGARET So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many
ill-qualities.
BALTHASAR Which is one?
MARGARET I say my prayers aloud.
BALTHASAR I love you the better: the hearers may cry, Amen.
MARGARET God match me with a good dancer!
BALTHASAR Amen.
MARGARET And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is
done! Answer, clerk.
BALTHASAR No more words: the clerk is answered.
URSULA I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio.
ANTONIO At a word, I am not.
URSULA I know you by the waggling of your head.
ANTONIO To tell you true, I counterfeit him.
URSULA You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were
the very man. Here’s his dry hand up and down: you