wait until the reports came in. It’s called police efficiency.”
The captain ignored him.
“According to this, you’ve had two run-ins with the police
already. First for acting suspicious on the public streets …”
“I was being polite instead of barreling into people!” I
broke in, exasperated. “I’m sorry, I was new here and
didn’t know ‘rude’ was the operative word for this dimen-
sion. You should put up signs or something warning people
that being polite is grounds for harassment on Perv!”
The captain continued as if I hadn’t spoken.
“… And later that same day, you tried to get out of
paying for a pretty expensive meal.”
“I fainted, for Pete’s sake! As soon as I came to, I paid
for the meal, even though I hadn’t eaten a bite.”
” Now that in itself sounds a little suspicious,” the captain
MYTH-NOMERS AND IM-PERVECTIONS 127
said, pursing his lips. “Why would you order a meal you
couldn’t, or wouldn’t, eat?”
“Because I didn’t know I couldn’t eat it when I ordered
it, obviously. I keep telling you . . . I’m new here!”
“Uh huh,” the policeman leaned back and studied me
through slitted eyes. “You’ve got a glib answer for every-
thing . . . don’t you. Mister Skeeve.”
“That’s because it’s true! Would I be less suspicious if
I didn’t have answers for your questions? Tell me, Captain,
I really want to know! I know I’m not a criminal, what does
it take to convince you?”
The captain shook his head slowly.
“Frankly, I don’t know. I’ve been on the force for a long
time, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Your story