that I was on the verge of tears. On the verge, heck! I was
starting to cry. I cleared my throat noisily, covertly wiping
away the tear as I covered my mouth, hoping Kalvin
wouldn’t notice. If he did, he was too polite to say anything.
“Let me try this again from the top.”
I drew a ragged breath.
“You’ve been a big help, Kalvin, more than I could have
ever hoped for when I opened your vial. Your advice has
been solid, and if I’ve been having trouble it’s because I
didn’t listen to it enough.”
I paused, trying to organize my thoughts.
“I’m not trying to get rid of you . . . really. I’d like
nothing better than to have you stick around at least until I
found Aahz. I just don’t want to trade on our friendship. I
MYTH-NOMERS AND IM-PERVECTIONS 135
got your services in a straightforward business deal. . . one
you had no say in, if your account of how Djinger works
is accurate. If I sounded a bit cold when I told you I thought
our contract was complete, it’s because I was fighting against
begging you to stay. I was afraid that if I did, it would put
you in a bad position . . . actually, it would put me in a
bad position. If I made a big appeal to you and you said
no, it would leave us both feeling pretty bad at the end of
what otherwise has been a mutually beneficial association.
The only thing I could think of that would be worse would
be if you agreed to stay out of pity. Then I’d feel guilty as
long as you were around, knowing all the while that you
could and should be going about your own business, and
would be if I weren’t so weak that I can’t handle a simple