Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“Because I didn’t know I couldn’t eat it when I ordered it, obviously. I keep telling you . . . I’m new here!”

“Uh huh,” the policeman leaned back and studied me through slitted eyes. “You’ve got a glib answer for every thing . . . don’t you. Mister Skeeve.”

“That’s because it’s true! Would I be less suspicious if I didn’t have answers for your questions? Tell me, Captain, I really want to know! I know I’m not a criminal, what does it take to convince you?”

The captain shook his head slowly.

“Frankly, I don’t know. I’ve been on the force for a long time, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Your story sounds good, but my instinct tells me you’re trouble looking for a place to happen.”

I could see I was playing into a stacked deck, so I abandoned the idea of impressing him with my innocence. “I guess the bottom line is the same as before that sheet came in, then. Are you going to press charges against me . . . or am I free to go?”

He studied me for a few more moments, then waved his hand.

“Go on. Get out of here . . . and take your little street buddy with you. Just take my advice and don’t carry so much cash in the future. There’s no profit in teasing the animals.”

If I had been thinking, I would have let it go at that. Unfortunately, it had been a long day and I was both tired and annoyed . . . a dangerous combination. “I’ll remember that, Captain,” I said, rising to my feet. “I had been under the impression that the police were around to protect innocent citizens like me . . . not to waste every body’s time harassing them. Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson.”

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