“Look,” I said carefully, “I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just . . .”
Something trickled down my face and it dawned on me that I was on the verge of tears. On the verge, heck! I was starting to cry. I cleared my throat noisily, covertly wiping away the tear as I covered my mouth, hoping Kalvin wouldn’t notice. If he did, he was too polite to say anything.
“Let me try this again from the top.”
I drew a ragged breath.
“You’ve been a big help, Kalvin, more than I could have ever hoped for when I opened your vial. Your advice has been solid, and if I’ve been having trouble it’s because I didn’t listen to it enough.”
I paused, trying to organize my thoughts. “I’m not trying to get rid of you . . . really. I’d like nothing better than to have you stick around at least until I found Aahz. I just don’t want to trade on our friendship. I got your services in a straightforward business deal. . . one you had no say in, if your account of how Djinger works is accurate. If I sounded a bit cold when I told you I thought our contract was complete, it’s because I was fighting against begging you to stay. I was afraid that if I did, it would put you in a bad position . . . actually, it would put me in a bad position. If I made a big appeal to you and you said no, it would leave us both feeling pretty bad at the end of what otherwise has been a mutually beneficial association. The only thing I could think of that would be worse would be if you agreed to stay out of pity. Then I’d feel guilty as long as you were around, knowing all the while that you could and should be going about your own business, and would be if I weren’t so weak that I can’t handle a simple task by myself.”