Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“Oh, on the contrary, he was one of the brightest students we’ve ever had here. That’s much of why the faculty and administration were willing to overlook the . . . um, less social aspects of his character. He was at the head of his class while he was here, and everyone assumed a bright future for him. I’m not sure he was aware of it, but long before he was slated to graduate, there was a raging debate going on about him among the faculty. One side felt that every effort should be made to secure him a position with the institute as an instructor after he graduated. The other felt that with his arrogant distaste for inferiors, placing him in constant contact with students would . . . well, let’s just say they felt his temperament would be better suited to private practice, and the school could benefit best by simply accepting his financial contributions as an alumni . . . preferably mailed from far away.”

I was enthralled by this new insight into Aahz’s background. However, I could not help but note there was some thing that didn’t seem to fit with the record keeper’s oration. “Excuse me,” I said, “but didn’t I hear you tell Gretta to look in the dropout file for Aahz’s records? If he was doing so well, why didn’t he graduate?” The Pervect heaved a great sigh, a look of genuine pain on his face.

“His family lost their money in a series of bad investments. With his financial support cut off, he dropped out of school . . . left quietly in the middle of a semester even though his tuition had been paid in full for the entire term. We offered him a scholarship so that he could complete his education . . . there was even a special meeting held specifically to get the necessary approvals so he wouldn’t be kept dangling until the scholarship board would normally convene. He wouldn’t accept it, though. It’s a shame, really. He had such potential.”

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