Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“Are you still down there?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Why?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why didn’t you open the door and come in when I buzzed you through?”

“Oh, is that what that was? I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Could you . . . buzz me through again?”

“What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a remote lock before?”

I suppose it was meant as a rhetorical question, but my annoyance at being embarrassed prompted me to answer. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t. I’m just visiting this dimension. We don’t have anything like it back on Klah.” There was a long silence, long enough for me to wonder if it had been a mistake to admit I was from off-dimension. The buzzer went off, somehow catching me unaware again even though I had been expecting it.

This time, I managed to get the door open before the buzzing stopped, and stepped through into the vestibule. The lighting was dim, and got downright dark after I let the door shut. I started to open it again to get my bearings, but pulled my hand back at the last minute. It might set off an alarm somewhere, and if there was one thing I didn’t need right now it was more trouble.

Slowly my eyes adjusted to the shadowy dimness, and I could make out a narrow hall with an even narrower flight of stairs which vanished into the gloom above. “Come right up” she had said, so I took her literally and started up the stairs . . . hoping all the while I was right. After ascending several flights, this hope was becoming fervent. There was no sign of habitation on any of the halls I passed, and the way the stairs creaked and groaned under me, I wasn’t at all sure I wasn’t heading into a condemned area of the building.

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