Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“You’re denying having had any contact with the witness? I take it you recognize his voice.”

“That’s a rather transparent catch question. Captain,” I laughed. “If I admit to recognizing his voice, then at the same time I’m admitting to having had contact with him. Right?”

I was starting to actually enjoy myself. “As a matter of fact, I’m willing to admit I’ve had dealings with your witness there. Also with the doorman and bellhop, as well as the other people you’ve dragged in to identify me. I was just questioning the validity of your procedure. It seems to me that you’re putting yourself and everyone else through a lot of trouble that, by itself, won’t yield any usable results. If you want information about me and my movements, why don’t you just ask me directly instead of going through all this foolishness?”

The floodlights went out suddenly, leaving me even more blinded than when they had been on.

“All right. Mister Skeeve. We’ll try it your way. If you’ll be so good as to follow me down to one of our ‘interview’ rooms?”

Even “trying it my way” was more hassle than I expected or liked. True, I was out from in front of the floodlights, but there were enough people crowded into the small “interview room” to make me feel like I was still on exhibition.

“Really, Captain,” I said, sweeping the small crowd with my eyes. “Is all this really necessary?”

“As a matter of fact, it is,” he retorted. “I want to have witnesses to everything you say as well as a transcript of our little conversation. I suppose I should inform you that anything you say can and may be used against you in court. What’s more, you’re entitled to an attorney for advice during this questioning, either one of your choice or one of those on call to the court. Now, do we continue or shall we wait for a legal advisor?”

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