Taking a deep breath, I gave it my best shot.
“Mostly, I came to apologize, Aahz.”
“Apologize?”
My words seemed to startle him.
“That’s right. I treated you rather shabbily . . . back before you left. I’ve got no right to ask you to come back, but I did want to find you to offer my apology and an explanation, for what it’s worth. You see . . .” Now that I had started, my words poured out in a rush, popping out without conscious thought on my part. “I was so afraid in my new position as head of M.Y.T.H. Inc. that I went overboard trying to live up to what I thought everybody expected of me. I tried to cover up my own weaknesses . . . to appear strong, by doing everything with out any help from anybody. I wouldn’t even accept the same help that had been given to me before I accepted the position, and either ignored or snapped at any offers of advice or assistance because I saw them as admissions of my own shortcomings.”
I looked at him steadily.
“It was a dumb, immature, jackass way to act, but worst of all it hurt my friends because it made them feel useless and unwanted. That was bad enough for Tananda and Chumley and the others, and I’ll be apologizing to them, too, but it was an unforgivable way to treat you.” Licking my lips, I went for it.
“I’ve never been all that good with words, Aahz, and I doubt I’ll ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me. I said I couldn’t ask you to come back, and I won’t, but I will say that if you do come back, you’ll be more than welcome. I’d like a chance to show you what I can’t find the words to say . . . that I admire you and value the wisdom and guidance you’ve always given me. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to change completely or immediately, but I’m going to try . . . whether you come back or not. I do know it’ll be easier if you’re there to box my ears when I start to slip. I wish . . . well, that’s all. It doesn’t start to even things out, but you’ve got my apology.” I lapsed into silence, waiting for his response.