Myth-Nomers & Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin

“Don’t want any more to drink,” I managed, my stomach suddenly rebelling at the thought.

“Good boy. Easy now. Nice and casual. Head for the restrooms.”

I took a deep breath in a vain effort to clear my head, then stood up . . . or at least I tried to. Somewhere in the process, my foot got tangled in my chair and I nearly lost my balance. I managed not to fall, but the chair went over on its side noisily, drawing more than a few snickers from the roughnecks at the bar.

“That’s all right,” Kalvin soothed, his voice seeming to come from a great distance. “Now just head down the hallway.”

I seemed to be very tall all of a sudden. Moving very carefully, I drew a bead on the opening to the hallway and headed in. I made it without touching the walls on either side and felt a small surge of confidence. Maybe this scheme of Kalvin’s would work after all! As he had said, there was an exit door in the wall just short of the restrooms. Without being told, I changed course and pushed out into the alley, easing the door shut behind me. I was out!

“Oops.”

I frowned at the Djin.

“What do you mean, ‘Oops!’? Didn’t you say I should . . .”

“Nice of you to drop by, mister!”

That last was said by a burly Pervect, one of six actually who were blocking our path down the alley. Apparently our little act hadn’t fooled everybody.

“Skeeve, I . . .”

“Never mind, Kalvin. I just figured out for myself what ‘Oops’ means.”

“Of course, you know this here’s what you’d call a toll alley. You got to pay to use it.”

That was the same individual talking. If he noticed me talking to Kalvin, which to him would look like talking to thin air, he didn’t seem to mind or care.

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