He looked round fiercely. “You have seen that! I should not need to boast here.
“But the fight with Ivar took something out of me. I have been wounded many times, and left for dead more than once. I never felt in my own heart that I was dead. When Ivar dodged my blow and got his sword through me I felt the blade in my guts, and I knew, I knew that even if I could get myself off it and live that day, then I would die within two more. I knew. It took less time than a heartbeat, but I could never forget it. Not even after Hund over there sewed up my torn guts and my belly and nursed me through the fever and the draining pus. I am as strong as ever I was now. But I cannot forget what I once knew.”
He looked round again at the others. “And the trouble, is, you see, up here in the mountains, where every district has its champion, and mannjafnathr is what they do all the time, comparing men to see which they think is the deadliest, they can feel it. That man back there knew he wasn’t my match—knew I had killed a dozen farmhands like him before my beard was fully grown. But he could tell as well that my heart wasn’t in it. Just a little more time to think about it, and he might have taken the risk.”
“You are as strong as ever,” said Osmod. “You would have killed him. Better for all of us if you had.”
“I expect I’d have killed him,” Brand agreed. “He was only the cock of his own midden. But funny things happen when a man loses heart. I have known great warriors stand still with the piss running down their breeches till they were cut down. They freeze, and the Valkyries, Othin’s daughters, the Choosers of the Slain, throw their fear-fetters over them.”
The Englishmen sat in silence. Finally Osmod spoke again. “That’s it, then. We’d better go through every place we come to all closed up and ready from now on. Halberds showing, crossbows cocked. I wish these silly bastards up here had seen crossbows work. Then they’d be more frightened. But we can’t shoot somebody just to show them.
“One other thing,” he added. “Edith didn’t go off behind that barn just because she’s dumb, you know. She was called over. By a woman. Woman speaking English, not Norse. She must have heard us talking among ourselves. A slave-woman. Been here twenty years.”
Brand nodded heavily. “They have been running slaves out of England for fifty years now. I dare say every farmstead in the whole of the North has its English grinding-slave, or half-a-dozen of them, and men-thralls for the heavy work out in the fields as well. What did she want?”
“Wanted us to take her with us, of course. Spoke to Edith because she thought she’d be sympathetic. Then the men came round the corner, must have been watching.”
“Did you speak to the slave-woman?” asked Shef, finally breaking out of his own internal struggles. “What did you tell her?”
“Told her she couldn’t come. Too much trouble for us. I should have said the same to Edith and the others, even if they were down to have their throats cut over some dead prince-brat’s tomb. The woman back there was from Norfolk,” Osmod added. “They stole her out of Norwich twenty years ago, when she was a girl. Now she’ll grow old and die up here.”
He and Cwicca got to their feet, walked away, began to spread out their blankets.
Shef looked at Brand, did not venture to speak. What the big man had said must have cost him as much grief and inner shame as breaking down in public tears might have done to someone lesser. Shef wondered what sort of man he would be in the future. Could they ever nurse him back to health in his mind, as Hund had done with his body? Long after the rest of the camp was asleep, except for the patrolling sentry, Brand sat restless, moodily breaking sticks and feeding them into the fire.