Over My Dead Body by Rex Stout

“I’m sorry,” he told Faber. “I must go out on business. If you want to go on with this, come tomorrow between eleven and one or two and four or six and eight. Those are my hours. Archie, we’ll take the sedan. If you please. Fritz! Fritz, if you will help Mr. Faber with his coat …”

This time Faber’s heels did click. I suppose they’re more apt to when you’re upset. He went, without having committed himself on the question of going on with it tomorrow.

When Fritz came back in Wolfe said, “Here, take these, please,” and handed him stick, hat, gloves, muffler and overcoat. “Two bottles of beer.” Hearing that, I put the files away in the drawer and went to the kitchen and got a glass of milk. When I returned to the office he was back at his desk, leaning back with his eyes closed. I sat and sipped the milk until the arrival of the beer made him straighten up, and then said:

“Genius again. He was going for United Yugoslavia.”

Wolfe nodded. “He had his fingers on it when you opened the door.”

“Lucky guess.”

“Not a guess, an experiment. He was stalling. He wasn’t saying anything and had no intention of saying anything. But he wanted you out of the room. Why?”

“Sure. Very good. But how did he figure on getting you out of the room too?”

“I don’t know.” Wolfe emptied the glass. “I don’t manage his mind for him, thank God. I did go out, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. Okay. So, did one of the Balkans send him to get that paper, or has he got Miss Tormic in his power because he’s her alibi on the murder, or did he – by jiminy!” I slapped my thigh. “I’ve got it! He’s Prince Donevitch!”

“Don’t be amusing. I’m in no humor for it.”

“I realize you’re not.” I sipped some more milk. “Where do we stand, anyway? Are we on a case or not? If so, what kind of a case?”

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t like that paper. I don’t like having that thing in the refrigerator disguised as a cake. We’ll either have to find out who used it or turn it over to Mr. Cramer, and neither prospect is pleasing. And I have a responsibility. I adopted that girl.”

“You don’t even know whether it’s her or not.”

“I intend to find out. I sent you back to bring her here. You didn’t do it.”

“Well, boil my bones!” I glared at him. “Am I to infer that you insinuate that I should have lugged her along when I sneaked through the basement and fell over the fence and so forth? No. You’re being aggravating, and God knows you’re good at it. Do you want me to go get her right now?”

“Yes.”

I gaped. “You do?”

“Yes.”

I looked at him. He wasn’t stringing me; he meant it. And not one red cent involved. It was at that moment that I decided never under any circumstances to adopt a daughter. Without another word I finished the milk and got up, and the next minute would have been gone if the phone hadn’t rung.

I sat down and took it. “Office of Nero Wolfe. Archie Goodwin speaking.”

“Ah, Meesturrr Gudwinnnn? Zees ess Madame Zorrrka.”

“Oh, yeah.” I passed Wolfe the sign to listen in on his phone. “I saw you up there this afternoon.”

“Yes. Zat ees why I phone. What happen zis afternoon, eet ess terrible!”

“Right. Awful.”

“Yes. Zee police, zey kestion me long time. I tell zem everysing but one sing. I deed not tell zem how I see Mees Tormic put something in your pocket.”

“No?”

“But no. I sink eet ees not my beesiness and I do not want any trrrouble. But I am worried. Now I sink eet ees a murrrder, and I owe a duty. I must now tell zee police or I cannot sleep. I am duty bound.”

“Sure, I see. Duty bound.”

“Yes. But also I sink eet ees only fair I tell you before I tell zee police. Now I tell you. Now I tell zee police.”

“Wait a minute, please. Let me get this straight. You’re going to phone the police now?”

“Yes.”

“And exactly what are you going to tell them?”

“Zat I see Mees Tormic put somesing in your pocket in zee coat hanging on zee rack and trying not to have anybody see. Zen pretty soon you take zee coat and go.”

“Now, listen.” I tried to laugh. “You sure are seeing things. Where are you now?”

“Zey let me go home. I am at my apartment, 78th Street. 542 East.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll get hold of Miss Tormic and we’ll drop in to see you. If you think we’re murderers, which we’re not –”

“Oh, I’m not afraid. But I am worried.”

“Don’t you worry for a minute. We’ll be there in less than an hour. You’re sure you’ll be there?”

“Certainly I will.”

“The police can wait that long.”

“But not longer, Meesturrr Gudwinnnn.”

“Okay. Absolutely.”

I shoved back the phone and stood up.

“There,” I said, with no feeling because my feelings were too deep. “There you are. What else could I say?”

“Nothing,” Wolfe muttered. “Now be quiet.”

He shut his eyes and his lips began to push in and out. That went on for ten minutes. I sat and tried to figure out something milder than kidnapping, but my brain wouldn’t work because I was too damn disgruntled. Finally he said quietly:

“Get Mr. Cramer.”

That took a little doing, because the saps Cramer had left up at Miltan’s studio had to go into a huddle before they would even admit he wasn’t there. Next I tried his office at headquarters, and got him; apparently the base of operations had been moved down there. Wolfe took it:

“Mr. Cramer? I have a little something on that Ludlow case. No, it’s somewhat complicated. I think the best idea would be for you to have a man collect Madame Zorka and Miss Tormic and bring them to my office as soon as possible. No, I want to co-operate, but I hardly think any other procedure would be feasible. No, I haven’t solved the case, but this is a development that I am sure will interest you. You know whether I may be depended on for that sort of thing. You’ll come yourself? Fine.”

He hung up and rubbed his nose with his forefinger. I blurted, “And whoever goes to get Zorka, she’ll spill the entire bag of beans before they get here –”

“Let me alone, Archie. Take that confounded thing out of that idiotic cake and put it back in your pocket the way it was.”

I gave up. And obeyed blindly. Talk about discipline.

Chapter 7

Neya Tormic was the first to arrive for the party.

It was close to midnight when I went to answer the bell, saving Fritz the trouble of putting his slippers in commission and glad of a chance to stretch my legs even that much.

“Hullo,” I said in polite surprise, for three of them crossed the threshold and I knew all of them. First Neya Tormic, then Carla Lovchen, and bringing up the rear, Sergeant Purley Stebbins. Purley and I had often been enemies and even friends once or twice. While I helped with wraps he said:

“This other one coupled on and I would have had to use force to separate her. So I thought if she’s not wanted we can do the separating here.”

“Sure,” I agreed, “let Cramer do it. He ought to be here any minute. You go on to the kitchen, you know the way, and Fritz’ll give you a pork tenderloin sandwich with onion grass.”

He looked wistful. “I guess I won’t let her out of my sight –”

“Pooh pooh. My dear fellow. This is a conference and Mr. Wolfe and I are conferees. Breaded pork tenderloin and steaming black coffee?”

So he headed for the kitchen and I herded the Balkans into the office.

I was afraid Wolfe might be skittish, confronted with two Montenegrin females at once, but he stood up and greeted them like a man. I had chairs already arranged. It was the first time I had seen Neya in anything but her fencing costume with robe. She was natty in a dark-brown suit and brown oxfords, with no foreign touch as far as I could see, but my interest in women’s clothes is not technical. Her eyes were as black as two prunes in a dish of cream, but there was a little flush on her cheeks, which may have been from the cold outdoors.

She said, with the eyes aimed at him, “You are Nero Wolfe.”

Wolfe nodded just perceptibly. He was leaning forward with his elbows resting on the desk and his fingers linked together. Having seen him scrutinize a lot of people, I was aware that he was putting on a special and rare performance.

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