‘But suppose Uncle Willoughby catches me at it? He’d cut me off with a bob.’
‘If you care more for your uncle’s money than for me –‘
‘No, no! Rather not!’
‘Very well, then. The parcel containing the manuscript will, of course, be placed on the hall table tomorrow for Oakshott to take to the village with the letters. All you have to do is to take it away and destroy it. Then your uncle will think it has been lost in the post.’
It sounded thin to me.
‘Hasn’t he got a copy of it?’
‘No; it has not been typed. He is sending the manuscript just as he wrote it.’
‘But he could write it over again.’
‘As if he would have the energy!’
‘But –‘
‘If you are going to do nothing but make absurd objections, Bertie –‘
‘I was only pointing things out.’
‘Well, don’t! Once and for all, will you do me this quite simple act of kindness ?’
The way she put it gave me an idea.
‘Why not get Edwin to do it? Keep it in the family, kind of, don’t you know. Besides, it would be a boon to the kid.’
A jolly bright idea it seemed to me. Edwin was her young brother, who was spending his holidays at Easeby. He was a ferret-faced kid, whom I had disliked since birth. As a matter of fact, talking of Recollections and Memories, it was young blighted Edwin who, nine years before, had led his father to where I was smoking his cigar and caused all the unpleasantness. He was fourteen now and had just joined the Boy Scouts. He was one of those thorough kids, and took his responsibilities pretty seriously. He was always in a sort of fever because he was dropping behind schedule with his daily acts of kindness. However hard he tried, he’d fall behind; and then you would find him prowling about the house, setting such a clip to try and catch up with himself that Easeby was rapidly becoming a perfect hell for man and beast.
The idea didn’t seem to strike Florence.
‘I shall do nothing of the kind, Bertie. I wonder you can’t appreciate the compliment I am paying you — trusting you like this.’
‘Oh, I see that all right, but what I mean is, Edwin would do it so much better than I would. These Boy Scouts are up to all sorts of dodges. They spoor, don’t you know, and take cover and creep about, and what not.’
‘Bertie, will you or will you not do this perfectly trivial thing for me? If not, say so now, and let us end this farce of pretending that you care a snap of the fingers for me.’
‘Dear old soul, I love you devotedly!’
‘Then will you or will you not –‘
‘Oh, all right,’ I said. ‘All right! All right! All right!’
And then I tottered forth to think it over. I met Jeeves in the passage just outside.
‘I beg your pardon, sir. I was endeavouring to find you.’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I felt that I should tell you, sir, that somebody has been putting black polish on our brown walking shoes.’
‘What! Who? Why?’
‘I could not say, sir.’
‘Can anything be done with them?’
‘Nothing, sir.’
‘Damn!’
‘Very good, sir.’
I’ve often wondered since then how these murderer fellows manage to keep in shape while they’re contemplating their next effort. I had a much simpler sort of job on hand, and the thought of it rattled me to such an extent in the night watches that I was a perfect wreck next day. Dark circles under the eyes — I give you my word! I had to call on Jeeves to rally round with one of those life-savers of his.
From breakfast on I felt like a bag-snatcher at a railway station. I had to hang about waiting for the parcel to be put on the hall table, and it wasn’t put. Uncle Willoughby was a fixture in the library, adding the finishing touches to the great work, I supposed, and the more I thought the thing over the less I liked it. The chances against my pulling it off seemed about three to two, and the thought of what would happen if I didn’t gave me cold shivers down the spine. Uncle Willoughby was a pretty mild sort of old boy, as a rule, but I’ve known him to cut up rough, and, by Jove, he was scheduled to extend himself if he caught me trying to get away with his life work.