P G Wodehouse – Piccadilly Jim

“How? Do you suggest sending him a formal note?”

Mr. Crocker surveyed his repellent features doubtfully.

“It’s a good deal to spring on a kid at one in the morning,” he said. “Suppose he has a fit!”

“He’s far more likely to give you one. Don’t you worry about Ogden, dad. I shouldn’t think there was a child alive more equal to handling such a situation.”

There was an empty glass standing on a tray on the dressing-table. Mr. Crocker eyed this sadly.

“I wish you hadn’t thrown that stuff away, Jim. I could have done with it. I’m feeling nervous.”

“Nonsense, dad! You’re all right! I had to throw it away. I’m on the wagon now, but how long I should have stayed on with that smiling up at me I don’t know. I’ve made up my mind never to lower myself to the level of the beasts that perish with the demon Rum again, because my future wife has strong views on the subject: but there’s no sense in taking chances. Temptation is all very well, but you don’t need it on your dressing-table. It was a kindly thought of yours to place it there, dad, but–”

“Eh? I didn’t put it there.”

“I thought that sort of thing came in your department. Isn’t it the butler’s job to supply drinks to the nobility and gentry? Well, it doesn’t matter. It is now distributed over the neighbouring soil, thus removing a powerful temptation from your path. You’re better without it.” He looked at his watch. “Well, it ought to be all right now.” He went to the window. “There’s an automobile down there. I suppose it’s Jerry. I told him to be outside at one sharp and it’s nearly half-past. I think you might be starting, dad. Oh, by the way, you had better tell Ogden that you represent a gentleman of the name of Buck Maginnis. It was Buck who got away with him last time, and a firm friendship seems to-have sprung up between them. There’s nothing like coming with a good introduction.”

Mr. Crocker took a final survey of himself in the mirror.

“Gee I I’d hate to meet myself on a lonely road!”

He opened the door, and stood for a moment listening.

From somewhere down the passage came the murmur of a muffled snore.

“Third door on the left,” said Jimmy. “Three–count ’em!–three. Don’t go getting mixed.”

Mr. Crocker slid into the outer darkness like a stout ghost, and Jimmy closed the door gently behind him.

Having launched his indulgent parent safely on a career of crime, Jimmy switched off the light and returned to the window. Leaning out, he gave himself up for a moment to sentimental musings. The night was very still. Through the trees which flanked the house the dimmed headlights of what was presumably Jerry Mitchell’s hired car shone faintly like enlarged fire-flies. A boat of some description was tooting reflectively far down the river. Such was the seductive influence of the time and the scene that Jimmy might have remained there indefinitely, weaving dreams, had he not been under the necessity of making his way down to the library. It was his task to close the French windows after his father and Ogden had passed through, and he proposed to remain hid in the gallery there until the time came for him to do this. It was imperative that he avoid being seen by Ogden.

Locking his door behind him, he went downstairs. There were no signs of life in the house. Everything was still. He found the staircase leading to the gallery without having to switch on the lights.

It was dusty in the gallery, and a smell of old leather enveloped him. He hoped his father would not be long. He lowered himself cautiously to the floor, and, resting his head against a convenient shelf, began to wonder how the interview between Chicago Ed. and his prey was progressing.

…..

Mr. Crocker, meanwhile, masked to the eyes, had crept in fearful silence to the door which Jimmy had indicated. A good deal of the gay enthusiasm with which he had embarked on this enterprise had ebbed away from him. Now that he had become accustomed to the novelty of finding himself once more playing a character part, his intimate respectability began to assert itself. It was one thing to play Chicago Ed. at a Broadway theatre, but quite another to give a benefit performance like this. As he tip-toed along the passage, the one thing that presented itself most clearly to him was the appalling outcome of this act of his, should anything go wrong. He would have turned back, but for the thought that Jimmy was depending on him and that success would mean Jimmy’s happiness. Stimulated by this reflection, he opened Ogden’s door inch by inch and went in. He stole softly across the room.

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