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P G Wodehouse – Uneasy Money

The door opened.

One reads of desperate experiences ageing people in a single night. His present predicament aged Mr Pickering in a single minute. In the brief interval of time between the opening of the door and the moment when a voice outside began to speak he became a full thirty years older. His boyish ardour slipped from him, and he was once more the Dudley Pickering whom the world knew, the staid and respectable middle-aged man of affairs, who would have given a million dollars not to have got himself mixed up in this deplorable business.

And then the voice spoke.

‘I’ll light the lamp,’ it said; and with an overpowering feeling of relief Mr Pickering recognized it as Lord Wetherby’s. A moment later the temperamental peer’s dapper figure became visible in silhouette against a background of pale light.

‘Ah-hum!’ said Mr Pickering.

The effect on Lord Wetherby was remarkable. To hear some one clear his throat at the back of a dark room, where there should rightfully be no throat to be cleared, would cause even your man of stolid habit a passing thrill. The thing got right in among Lord Wetherby’s highly sensitive ganglions like an earthquake. He uttered a strangled cry, then dashed out and slammed the door behind him.

‘There’s someone in there!’

Lady Wetherby’s tranquil voice made itself heard.

‘Nonsense; who could be in there?’

‘I heard him, I tell you. He growled at me!’

It seemed to Mr Pickering that the time had come to relieve the mental distress which he was causing his host. He raised his voice.

‘It’s all right!’ he called.

‘There!’ said Lord Wetherby.

‘Who’s that?’ asked Lady Wetherby, through the door.

‘It’s all right. It’s me–Pickering.’

The door was opened a few inches by a cautious hand.

‘Is that you, Pickering?’

‘Yes. It’s all right.’

‘Don’t keep saying it’s all right,’ said Lord Wetherby, irritably. ‘It isn’t all right. What do you mean by hiding in the dark and popping out and barking at a man? You made me bite my tongue. I’ve never had such a shock in my life.’

Mr Pickering left his lair and came out into the open. Lord Wetherby was looking aggrieved, Lady Wetherby peacefully inquisitive. For the first time Mr Pickering discovered that Claire was present. She was standing behind Lady Wetherby with a floating white something over her head, looking very beautiful.

‘For the love of Mike!’ said Lady Wetherby.

Mr Pickering became aware that he was still holding the revolver.

‘Oh, ah!’ he said, and pocketed the weapon.

‘Barking at people!’ muttered Lord Wetherby in a querulous undertone.

‘What on earth are you doing, Dudley?’ said Claire.

There was a note in her voice which both puzzled and pained Mr Pickering, a note that seemed to suggest that she found herself in imperfect sympathy with him. Her expression deepened the suggestion. It was a cold expression, unfriendly, as if it was not so keen a pleasure to Claire to look at him as it should be for a girl to look at the man whom she is engaged to marry. He had noticed the same note in her voice and the same hostile look in her eye earlier in the evening. He had found her alone, reading a letter which, as the stamp on the envelope showed, had come from England. She had seemed so upset that he had asked her if it contained bad news, and she had replied in the negative with so much irritation that he had desisted from inquiries. But his own idea was that she had had bad news from home. Mr Pickering still clung to his early impression that her little brother Percy was consumptive, and he thought the child must have taken a turn for the worse. It was odd that she should have looked and spoken like that then, and it was odd that she should look and speak like that now. He had been vaguely disturbed then and he was vaguely disturbed now. He had the feeling that all was not well.

‘Yes,’ said Lady Wetherby. ‘What on earth are you doing, Dudley?’

‘Popping out!’ grumbled Lord Wetherby.

‘We came here to see Algie’s picture, which has got something wrong with its eyes apparently, and we find you hiding in the dark with a gun. What’s the idea?’

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