Until he remembered his fear. The pain of his back injury had made his first week at Bethesda a living hell. He knew that his present injury paled by comparison, but the body does not remember pain, and the shoulder was here and now. He forced himself to remember that pain medications had made his back problem almost tolerable . . . except that the doctors had gotten just a little too generous with his dosages. More than the pain, Ryan dreaded withdrawal from morphine sulphate. That had lasted a week, the wanting that seemed to draw his entire body into some vast empty place, someplace where his innermost self found itself entirely alone and needing . . . Ryan shook his head. The pain rippled through his left arm and shoulder and he forced himself to welcome it. I’m not going to go through that again. Never again.
The door opened. It wasn’t Kittiwake — the med was still fourteen minutes away. Ryan had noticed a uniform outside the door when it had opened before. Now he was sure. A thirtyish uniformed officer came in with a floral arrangement and he was followed by another who was similarly loaded. A scarlet and gold ribbon decorated the first, a gift from the Marine Corps, followed by another from the American Embassy.
“Quite a few more, sir,” one uniformed officer said.
“The room isn’t all that big. Can you give me the cards and spread these around some? I’m sure there’s people around who’d like them.” And who wants to live in a jungle? Within ten minutes Ryan had a pile of cards, notes, and telegrams. He found that reading the words of others was better than reading his own when it came to blocking out the ache of his damaged shoulder.
Kittiwake arrived. She gave the flowers only a fleeting glance before administering Ryan’s medication, and hustled out with scarcely a word. Ryan learned why five minutes later.
His next visitor was the Prince of Wales. Wilson snapped to his feet again, and Jack wondered if the kid’s knees were tiring of this. The med was already working. His shoulder was drifting farther away, but along with this came a slight feeling of lightheadedness as from a couple of stiff drinks. Maybe that was part of the reason for what happened next.
“Howdy.” Jack smiled. “How are you feeling, sir?”
“Quite well, thank you.” The answering smile contained no enthusiasm. The Prince looked very tired, his thin face stretched an extra inch or so, with a lingering sadness around the eyes. His shoulders drooped within the conservative gray suit.
“Why don’t you sit down, sir?” Ryan invited. “You look as though you had a tougher night than I did.”
“Yes, thank you, Doctor Ryan.” He made another attempt to smile. It failed. “And how are you feeling?”
“Reasonably well, Your Highness. And how is your wife — excuse me, how is the Princess doing?”
The Prince’s words did not come easily, and he had trouble looking up to Ryan from his chair. “We both regret that she could not come with me. She’s still somewhat disturbed — in shock, I believe. She had a very . . . bad experience.”
Brains splattered over her face. I suppose you might call that a bad experience. “I saw. I understand that neither of you was physically injured, thank God. I presume your child also?”
“Yes, all thanks to you. Doctor.”
Jack tried another one-armed shrug. The gesture didn’t hurt so much this time. “Glad to help, sir — I just wish I hadn’t got myself shot in the process.” His attempt at levity died on his lips. He’d said the wrong thing in the wrong way. The Prince looked at Jack very curiously for a moment, but then his eyes went flat again.
“We would all have been killed except for you, you know — and on behalf of my family and myself — well, thank you. It’s not enough just to say that –” His Highness went on, then halted again and struggled to find a few more words. “But it’s the best I can manage. I wasn’t able to manage very much yesterday, come to that,” he concluded, staring quietly at the foot of the bed.
Aha! Ryan thought. The Prince stood and turned to leave. What do I do now?
“Sir, why don’t you sit down and let’s talk this one over for a minute, okay?”
His Highness turned back. For a moment he looked as though he would say something, but the drawn face changed again and turned away.
“Your Highness, I really think . . .” No effect. I can’t let him go out of here like this. Well, if good manners won’t work — Jack’s voice became sharp.
“Hold it!” The Prince turned with a look of great surprise. “Sit down, goddatnmit!” Ryan pointed to the chair. At least I have his attention now. I wonder if they can take a knighthood back . . .
By this time the Prince flushed a bit. The color gave his face life that it had lacked. He wavered for a moment, then sat with reluctance and resignation.
“Now,” Ryan said heatedly, “I think I know what’s eating at you, sir. You feel bad because you didn’t do a John Wayne number yesterday and handle those gunmen all by yourself, right?” The Prince didn’t nod or make any other voluntary response, but a hurt expression around his eyes answered the question just as surely.
“Aw, crap!” Ryan snorted. In the corner, Tony Wilson went pale as a ghost. Ryan didn’t blame him.
“You oughta have better sense . . . sir,” Ryan added hastily. “You’ve been through the service schools, right? You’ve qualified as a pilot, parachuted out of airplanes, and even had command of your own ship?” He got a nod. Time to step it up. “Then you’ve got no excuse, you damned well ought to have better sense than to think like that! You’re not really that dumb, are you?”
“What exactly do you mean?” A trace of anger, Ryan thought. Good.
“Use your head. You’ve been trained to think this sort of thing out, haven’t you? Let’s critique the exercise. Examine what the tactical situation was yesterday. You were trapped in a stopped car with two or three bad guys outside holding automatic weapons. The car is armor-plated, but you’re stuck. What can you do? The way I see it, you had three choices:
“One. You can just freeze, just sit there and wet your pants. Hell, that’s what most normal people would do, caught by surprise like that. That’s probably the normal reaction. But you didn’t do that.
“Two. You can try to get out of the car and do something, right?”
“Yes, I should have.”
“Wrong!” Ryan shook his head emphatically. “Sorry, sir, but that’s not a real good idea. The guy I tackled was waiting for you to do just that. That guy could have put a nine-millimeter slug in your head before you had both feet on the pavement. You look like you’re in pretty good shape. You probably move pretty good — but ain’t nobody yet been able to outrun a bullet, sir! That choice might have gotten you killed, and the rest of your family along with you.
“Three. Your last choice, you tough it out and pray the cavalry gets there in time. You know you’re close to home. You know there’s cops and troops around. So you know that time is on your side if you can survive for a couple of minutes. In the meantime you try to protect your family as best you can. You get them down on the floor of the car and get overtop of them so the only way the terrorists can get them is to go through you first. And that, my friend, is what you did.” Ryan paused for a moment to let him absorb this.
“You did exactly the right thing, dammit!” Ryan leaned forward until his shoulder pulled him back with a gasp. It wasn’t all that much of a pain medication. “Jesus, this hurts. Look, sir, you were stuck out in the open — with a lousy set of alternatives. But you used your head and took the best one you had. From where I sit, you could not have done any better than you did. So there is nothing, repeat nothing, for you to feel bad about. And if you don’t believe me, ask Wilson. He’s a cop.” The Prince turned his head.
The Anti-Terrorist Branch officer cleared his throat. “Excuse me. Your Royal Highness, but Doctor Ryan is quite correct. We were discussing this, this problem yesterday, and we reached precisely the same conclusion.”
Ryan looked over to the cop. “How long did you fellows kick the idea around, Tony?”
“Perhaps ten minutes,” Wilson answered.
“That’s six hundred seconds, Your Highness. But you had to think and act in — what? Five? Maybe three? Not much time to make a life-and-death decision is it? Mister, I’d say you did damned well. All that training you’ve picked up along the line worked. And if you were evaluating someone else’s performance instead of your own, you’d say the same thing, just like Tony and his friends did.”