Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“So it is,” said Qual. “Our inability to locate these Hidden Ones is strong evidence that in one respect, at least, they are more advanced than either of us. It is not a good idea to underestimate them.”

“That’s what I’m worried about, yes,” said Armstrong.

“It’s never a good idea to underestimate somebody who might be invading you.”

“Captain Clown can tell you that we are estimating the Hidden Ones as a big difficulty,” said Qual. “It is clear from their transmissions that they are already on our planet, scouting for suitable sites to establish settlements. But they make no attempt to contact us, do not reply to our signals on their own wavelengths. We must by default conclude that their intentions are hostile.”

“Yeah, I’m afraid that’s the obvious conclusion,” said Rembrandt. “The question that raises is, what are we going to do about it?” She looked around the room, but nobody seemed to have an answer.

“Do you really intend to give that pair of scamps carte blanche to investigate this problem, sir?” Beeker’s disapproval was plain on his face.

“Sure, why not?” Phule looked puzzled. “I’m sure the Zenobians have their experts working on all the conventional ways to solve the problem. We might as well put our money on the unconventional approach. Sushi’s as good on the computer as anybody in the company, and Do-Wop’s got the equivalent of a master’s degree in low cunning. Maybe they’ll crack it-and if they don’t, this’ll keep them out of trouble for a while.”

“You assume that the aliens’ apparent invisibility is the result of some kind of trickery,” said the butler. “What if it is inherent in their very nature?”

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