Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“It’s a damned sensible attitude to take, Captain,” said the ambassador. “I wish I could answer you, but we’re as much in the dark as you are. Our mission to Zenobia is still being organized, so we don’t have any useful intelligence presence there. Right now, the timetable has the military mission landing on Zenobia before we diplomats are even in place. I don’t like it, but I didn’t get a vote. Anyway, I’m afraid I’m offering you the chance to bid on a pig in a poke. Are you interested, on those terms?” This time Phule didn’t hesitate. “Yes, I’m interested. We’d be crazy to pass it up. If we can’t handle it by now, I don’t think there’s an outfit in the Legion that can.”

“Great. That’s what I was hoping to hear,” said Ambassador Gottesman. He raised his glass. “Here’s to opportunities and to those who make the most of them!”

“I’ll take that as a personal compliment, if you don’t mind,” said Phule, smiling as he clinked his glass against the ambassador’s.

“And why shouldn’t you?” said the ambassador. “That’s certainly how it was intended.” They both drank.

“I’m glad to hear it,” said Phule. “But do me a favor. If you find out anything about why the Zenobians really want us, let me know, will you? If there’s real trouble there, we could use a little advance warning.”

“Don’t worry, Captain; the minute I know anything, you’ll be the next to hear it,” said the ambassador. He sipped his drink again, then added with a wry grin, “But let me tell you this, based on my own experience: You probably won’t know you need to duck until the first ray gun beam flashes past your head. So prepare your people for anything and everything-and then expect a few surprises.”

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