Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“Well, we’d have to take that pretty seriously,” said Sushi. “But as far as I’m concerned, the person with the final say is Captain Jester. If he tells me to give it up, that’s final. Anybody else, I reserve the right to disagree.”

“And what has the captain said?”

Sushi paused, then admitted, “I haven’t talked to him. But from what I hear, he’s acting very strange. Maybe being lost in the desert threw him into a loop-I don’t know. Anyhow, I think my best move is just to keep on with the job he gave me.”

Rembrandt sighed. “Sushi, even in Omega Company you can’t just ignore a superior officer’s orders. I wish the major had never been sent to us, but that doesn’t change the rules. He’s still our commanding officer, no matter how you feel about it.”

Sushi winked at her. “I’m not ignoring his orders, Lieutenant. He hasn’t given me any yet.”

“Because Do-Wop and you have been AWOL ever since the major stepped out of his lander,” said Rembrandt. “In fact, I’m technically violating the Legion Code of Conduct myself, for failing to report you two.”

“We won’t report you if you don’t report us,” said Sushi. “Now, why don’t I tell you what I came here for, and get away before somebody else sees us and has to agonize over whether to report us both?”

“You know I wasn’t going to report you,” said Rembrandt. “But yes, if you’ve come out of hiding to tell me something, I’d better hear what it is. And then you’d better take off before somebody does see us together.”

“Ah, you anticipate my plan,” said Sushi, in a mock-villainous accent. He leaned forward and said, “Our new apparatus has picked up a signal from out in the desert; I’m pretty sure it’s the aliens the Zenobians have been looking for.”

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