Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“You, there. Didn’t you get the major’s orders?” the lieutenant barked. “Uniforms to be worn at all times when on duty!”

“Sir, I am wearing my uniform,” said the legionnaire with a bewildered look. Good; he was already on the defensive.

“If it’s not worn in the regulation manner, it’s the same as not wearing it at all,” said Snipe, pointing to the legionnaire’s upper chest. “That top button’s open!”

“Sir, in this heat I thought-“

Snipe cut him off in midsentence. “I don’t want to hear any of your excuses. You’ll report for extra KP-on the double! And your regular job better get done, as well, or you’ll get yourself another round of extra duty! Go on, get out of my sight.”

“Yes, sir!” said the legionnaire, and he quickly turned away in the direction of the kitchen.

Snipe smiled-not a pretty smile, but a sincere one nonetheless. Sending the offending legionnaire for KP was a stroke of genius. If Snipe could find half a dozen more to punish the same way, he’d have the kitchen filled with superfluous personnel, and that’d give the mess sergeant the headache of finding something for them to do that didn’t interfere with his precious kitchen. He began a leisurely stroll around the compound, looking for more offenders to punish.

To his surprise, he’d barely gone a dozen paces before he ran into the same legionnaire! There was no mistaking that face, especially not the annoying sneer. “What do you think you’re doing, legionnaire? Didn’t I tell you to report for KP?”

“Sir, it’s not my day,” said the legionnaire, a puzzled look on his face. “I’m not on until tomorrow.”

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