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Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“So do I, Mother,” said Rembrandt. “Until then, we’ve got to try to guess what he’d be doing, and do the same ourselves. I just wish we were getting better results.”

“You want results?” Mother scoffed. “Girl, those pills the autodoc gave you must be making you giddy. This is the Legion. They don’t believe in results; they just say they do.” She chuckled, but her face was serious.

“Except for Captain Jester,” said Rembrandt, lifting her chin. “He not only believes in results, he gets them.”

“I know what you mean,” said Mother. “I just worry whether his luck’s run out at last. I hope not, but I’m afraid to hope for too much.”

“The captain wouldn’t want us to give up,” said Rembrandt. “He’d want us to start figuring out a way around the system, and that’s what I’m doing.”

“I know,” said Mother. “More power to you, because I don’t want to think about what happens if the brass hats win this one.”

“Neither do I,” said Rembrandt. “I’m doing what I can to keep the bastards from winning.”

“And if it’s not enough?”

Rembrandt stood up, wincing. She looked down at Mother and said in a resigned voice, “I don’t know. I don’t have much else to throw into the fight.”

Mother sighed. “Well, let’s just hope it’s enough, then.” Rembrandt just nodded and made her way slowly out of Comm Central. Mother watched her leave, then shook her head sadly and turned back to her comet screen.

Chapter 14

Journal #573

One curious feature of life with a Legion company was that one was always being stationed in places where the normal amenities of civilization were rather thin on the ground. Of course, my employer had done what he could to alleviate this by moving his legionnaires into the best available accommodations on those worlds where he was assigned. For our stay on Zenobia, a planet with no human presence before ours, he had gotten a custom-made encampment module that supplied many of the essentials of the good life: running water, electricity, airconditioning, comfortable beds, a thoroughly modern kitchen.

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Categories: Asprin, Robert
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