Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“Mommy, Mommy!” cried a small voice to one side. “Look at the monster!”

“Be quiet, Nanci, that’s not a monster,” said a woman in hushed tones. “It’s an alien soldier.”

“Hello,” said Tusk-anini, waving. With his alien dentition, he couldn’t manage anything a human would recognize as a smile, but he made his voice as friendly as he could manage. “Not soldier-we Space Legion. Better than soldiers!”

“Funny mans,” said the child, sticking its finger in a corner of its mouth and smiling shyly. The mother smiled, too, and the legionnaires relaxed. The Volton couldn’t change his fearsome looks, but that didn’t mean he thought it necessary to go around frightening babies, either. Tusk-anini had learned that talking to children could let him cross the line from “monster” to “man,” and become something to smile at. He waved again, and the group headed on toward the rides.

The line for the new ride was already long. Landoorans considered thrill rides their national art form, and a new one was always an event. It looked as if a fair number of the locals had taken days off from work and pulled the kids out of school, as well. There was probably going to be nearly an hour’s wait for the ride. But the park’s management sent a series of strolling entertainers to work the line jugglers, clowns, antigrav dancers, musicians, thimbleriggers, and snack vendors-so the crowd wouldn’t notice its slow progress. Strategic glimpses of the ride-usually as the cars plunged down a steep incline, bringing excited squeals from the riders-helped build the anticipation.

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