Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“Oh, you’re so strong,” she murmured, her lips close to his ear. Her arms twined around his neck.

The captain put her onto the bed and, gently disengaging himself from her grasp, stepped back and said, “Now, I’m going to call the doctor.”

She began to protest, but he held a finger to his lips and said, “No-don’t say anything. I suspect you need to rest.”

He picked up the phone, touched a button, and spoke briefly to the person on the other end. After a few sentences, he nodded and hung up the receiver. “Dr. Gulkova’s on duty tonight. She’ll be right up. I’ll wait until she comes, and then I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed. If there’s anything else I can do for you, please get in touch with me. Any hotel operator can connect you directly to my office.”

She lay back on the bed, listening. As he continued to speak, her face changed expression to a sultry pout. “You know what else you can do for me, Captain-don’t pretend you don’t. I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.”

The captain smiled. “Now, now, miss, don’t worry yourself. I know you’ve been through a lot tonight. We’ll make sure nobody annoys you for the rest of your stay with us.”

The woman sat up in the bed and barked, “If you don’t want anyone to annoy me, I suggest you get out of my room! I’ve had just about all of your goody-goody act I can stand.”

“Of course, miss,” said the captain, smiling. “I’ll wait outside the door, and when the doctor comes, I’ll leave.” He turned and started to leave.

With an inarticulate shout, the woman reached down and grabbed one of her shoes off her foot and threw it with all her might at his retreating. But by then, he had the door almost closed behind him, and the missile bounced harmlessly off onto the floor. She slammed both fists onto the bed in frustration. “You bastard!” she cried. “You’ll pay for this when we finally do catch you! You’ll pay!

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