Phule Me Twice by Robert Asprin & Peter J. Heck

“You will in time see the rewards for this hard work,” said Beeker, standing up.

“I guess I will,” said Sushi. “But a nice cold beer was looking good, too.”

Beeker raised an eyebrow. “I can assure you, young man, that the beer in the bar will be just as cold when you have finished this task as it is now, and the satisfaction of a job well done will greatly enhance its flavor.”

“Oh, I know that,” said Sushi. “I just wish I didn’t have to be so damned mature all of a sudden.”

Beeker gave just the hint of a smile. “Maturity may not be the most attractive way of life, but speaking only for myself, I am just as happy to be able to take part in it. Perhaps, upon reflection, you will feel the same. Good day, young man.”

This time it was going to work. This time it had better work, Lola told herself. All things considered, she and Ernie had been lucky to get away with two failed attempts to kidnap the captain. Their luck couldn’t hold out much longer. If it didn’t work this time, she was going to call it off and deal with the consequences. As long as her bosses didn’t decide to lock her and Ernie in the same room, she figured she could deal with anything less annoying.

“He’s coming,” said the voice in her ear.

“Are you sure?” she hissed.

“Yeah, I’m sure, babe. Ball’s in your court.” Ernie sounded calm, assured. That didn’t fool her. Ernie had been just as sure of himself the last time, when she’d prostrated herself in front of the wrong target, a room service waiter. She hoped the befuddled waiter hadn’t reported the incident-or, if he had, that it had been written off as a drunken prank by a customer. If the captain was alerted to the possibility of trouble, the odds of success dramatically dropped. And they were already low enough, as far as Lola was concerned.

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