Phule’s Company by Robert Asprin

She paused to sip her coffee, then wiped her mouth decisively with the napkin.

“I guess what I’m saying, sir, is that what you sees is what you gets. I can appreciate that my fighting all the time is disruptive, but it’s an old habit and I personally wouldn’t make book on its changing. If it really bothers you, I could transfer out. Lord knows it won’t be the first time.”

Despite his poise, Phule was a bit taken aback by the frankness of this little Legionnaire. While he was concerned about the conduct of the company, he found himself warming to the Gnat.

“I … really don’t think that will be necessary,” he said, dismissing the possibility offhand. “Tell me, doesn’t it bother you that you always get beaten? Why do you keep picking fights you can’t win?”

For the first time since the start of their conversation, Super Gnat looked uncomfortable.

“Well, you see, sir, the way I was raised, I’ve always figured the important thing is to stand up for yourself and what you believe in whatever the odds. If you only fight when you can win … well, then you’re just a bully takin’ advantage of weaker folks. I guess growin’ up the way I did, I never had much use for bullies, so I’m kinda sensitive about bein’ one myself. “

The commander was impressed. Enough so that the idea of the Gnat as a bully wasn’t even outlandish.

“But you would like to win more often? Or at least some of the time?”

“Of course I would,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, Captain. Just ‘cause I’m not choosy about my fights doesn’t mean I’ve got a thing for losin’. You got any suggestions on that score, I’d appreciate ‘em.”

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