Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

“I see,” Phule said. “Then we-“

“What’s more,” the butler said as if he hadn’t been interrupted, “I believe that Mr. Gunther has booked Dee Dee Watkins for the opening, and-“

“Who?”

Beeker rolled his eyes in not so mock exasperation.

“Really, sir,” he said. “You really should read more than the financial pages once in a while. Dee Dee Watkins has been a rising holo star for several years now, and she’s just put together a nightclub act tour, which is supposed to premiere at the grand opening.”

“Oh.”

“Not quite yet, sir,” the butler corrected. “You see, while I have not had the privilege of reviewing Ms. Watkins’s contract personally, my recent experience with Lieutenant Rembrandt while hiring our own actors leads me to believe that a performer of her standing will have a clause in her bookings requiring that she be paid in full even if she does not perform, providing the reason for her performance is a failure on the part of the booking party to supply stage equipment of at least minimal professional standards-which I would assume includes lights and a functioning sound system. I would further assume that her fees for performing, while, perhaps, not of the same magnitude as the potential losses from multiple jackpots at the video slots, are, nonetheless, substantial-and I know how you dislike paying people not to perform their contracted services.”

He paused, then nodded at his employer.

“Now, sir.”

“Oh,” Phule responded dutifully.

Silence hung in the air as Beeker waited respectfully for his employer to digest this information.

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